Sat Jul 28, 2012 9:07 am by Anna
[size=50:17ne9yxx][quote="Nem Yin":17ne9yxx][narration:17ne9yxx]It took a cold rodder to feign comfort and affection towards someone so afflicted with self doubt and emotional anguish, but that was just the sort of creature Nem was. At one point in his long existence he might have actually felt sympathy for her; however, several lifetimes worth of violent conflict and bitter resentment had left him barren on the inside. Now there was only a deep well of cruelty, a place emotions fell into and disappeared forever. It wasn't just a Yuuzhan Vong thing...it was a Nem thing, black and repulsive, just like the Intendant.[/narration:17ne9yxx]
[action:17ne9yxx]Already uneasy with the physical contact, he released her and stepped away, looking down into her eyes with his glowing orbs. His eye sacks pulsed, as they tended to do, though any trace of human emotion could hardly be expressed. He cracked his jaw open a few inches and attempted to force back his taut cheeks, forcing an unnatural approximation of a smile upon his twisted features. It came out warped and wrong, but he held the expression, speaking to her in the vacant hall.[/action:17ne9yxx]
[i:17ne9yxx][color=#00FFBF:17ne9yxx]"I've seen worse."[/color:17ne9yxx][/i:17ne9yxx] [narration:17ne9yxx]Indeed he had.[/narration:17ne9yxx] [i:17ne9yxx][color=#00FFBF:17ne9yxx]"You'll harden and grow stronger from the experience. To survive we must adapt. I know that may be strange to hear from a Yuuzhan Vong, but I have found it to be true. During the war, Shimrra, the leader of my people at the time, led my domain to near extinction. My brothers, sisters, friends...all dead. We are meant to feel pain, you see, but of the flesh only. Spiritually and emotionally, we suffer the same as you, perhaps even more so."[/color:17ne9yxx][/i:17ne9yxx] [action:17ne9yxx]He reached to his left hip and drew his organic dagger, holding the serrated blade aloft and then pointing the tip at the wall.[/action:17ne9yxx] [i:17ne9yxx][color=#00FFBF:17ne9yxx]"I wanted to take my coufee and thrust it into Shimrra's guts, twist and tear, bleed him as he bled the ones I loved. Yet before I could commit to the act, he was dead, killed by the hand of another. I was alone, full of despair, misery, and self-loathing."[/color:17ne9yxx][/i:17ne9yxx]
[narration:17ne9yxx]Though he initially intended to act to make his point, the words he spoke were entirely true.[/narration:17ne9yxx] [action:17ne9yxx]He found that the further he explained his thoughts, the more inflamed by passion he became, stirring memories best left buried.[/action:17ne9yxx] [narration:17ne9yxx]Damn it, Nem! Get to the point before this false empathy becomes real.[/narration:17ne9yxx]
[i:17ne9yxx][color=#00FFBF:17ne9yxx]"After Shimrra died, many of my people committed warrior suicide for the sake of maintaining their honour. Yet mine was forever lost when that rodder was gutted by the hand of another. No vengeance, no bitter sweet revenge, no...justice. It was by far the darkest hour of my life. I should have given up, anyone else would have, but I couldn't. I refused to let him have the last laugh. So I hardened, found strength in my despair, turned it into something productive."[/color:17ne9yxx][/i:17ne9yxx] [action:17ne9yxx]He sheathed his coufee.[/action:17ne9yxx] [i:17ne9yxx][color=#00FFBF:17ne9yxx]"My domain yet lives. Small in number though it may be...it lives. I did that. Pity, fear, despair...these things are meant to be harnessed, transformed into something real and far more potent than any force imaginable."[/color:17ne9yxx][/i:17ne9yxx]
[action:17ne9yxx]Nem extended his hand towards Shay, turning his palm and offering to take her own into his.[/action:17ne9yxx]
[i:17ne9yxx][color=#00FFBF:17ne9yxx]"Come with me, Shay. I want to show you something that I think will help."[/color:17ne9yxx][/i:17ne9yxx]
[narration:17ne9yxx]Trust me...[/narration:17ne9yxx][/quote:17ne9yxx][/size:17ne9yxx]
*[color=#FF4040:17ne9yxx][i:17ne9yxx]The emotions mentioned by the Vong were strange to Shay, all be it she had felt them before. For a Jedi, pain, and hat and fear should all be taken yes, but not allowed to flourish. Fear led to hate, hate to anger, and anger to suffering. Those were words written on most Jedi's hearts, and it kept most of them still treading on the path of Ashla. As Shay thought of the early years of her life, learning under jedi masters and such, the basics of the lightside of the force, she thought she might feel better, find stability like she had when she first arrived here. Upon her capture, she felt like she was a more advanced Jedi than she was now. Before, it was second nature for her to look at the bright side, to learn, to be content. Now, she had been forced to pick at the beginning of learning for a Jedi, to relearn what she had forgotten on this cursed ship, like a youngling all over again.
But the more she thought about that last statement, the more she came to realize that, she was suffering regardless of her emotions. The first few weeks that she was mildly content, and really not suffering much at all, held no candle to now. She felt more like a slave, a captive now than ever before. And she hated it. If those dark, dreadful emotions were created out of situations, why not put them to use? Why hold them back and ignore them? Perhaps Nem was right. Perhaps had he been a sith, she might have questioned it further, but Shay was tired, a victim of the pirates and even of herself, and she didn't feel like fighting anymore. [/i:17ne9yxx][/color:17ne9yxx]*
I suppose you're right...
*[color=#FF4040:17ne9yxx][i:17ne9yxx]She said, softly as she took his hand, the contemplative look still painting her already painted face. Looking up at him as she walked with him, she continued speaking.[/i:17ne9yxx][/color:17ne9yxx]*
Those emotions of pain and anger are discouraged by the Jedi. They take people to a mindset that...we, the order tries to avoid.
*[color=#FF4040:17ne9yxx][i:17ne9yxx]She thought about his story, of his people and his opportunity for revenge being snatched away by another. All care had not yet left her. She was still, for all intent and purposes, a Jedi. Her maroon eyes took on a softer appearance, for a moment, putting aside her own problems to feel sympathy for a creature that obviously could feel emotional pain, even if the physical equivalent was encouraged by the race. But it was how he recovered from that, which intrigued Shay. Rather than shunning his anger at the situation, he had taken it, and like the various organic items he had incorporated onto himself to make him better able to survive, he had taken those painful emotions and allowed them to make him stronger. Which left the question of why the Jedi hid from them so much. [/i:17ne9yxx][/color:17ne9yxx]*
I'm so sorry Nem. Your past and even your present seem to be against you... and yet, here you are, pushing through it.
*[color=#FF4040:17ne9yxx][i:17ne9yxx]Though she was curious as to what Nem spoke of that might 'help' the thing that was the forefront of her mind at present was the Vong himself, and her own inferiority. Certainly everyone cracked eventually, but picking up the pieces again and putting ones' self back together was a symbol of true strength, right? With a narrowed expression, determined, Shay spoke once more.[/i:17ne9yxx][/color:17ne9yxx]*
It won't be like this all the time though...I'm sure. We all have our braking points right? But that doesn't mean we remain broken forever.
*[color=#FF4040:17ne9yxx][i:17ne9yxx]She took a breath and lowered her gaze, the images of the past hour replaying in her mind again. She wondered about the damaged crew member, and how he might be recovering from what she had done to him. Was he still cowering in the corner? Would he recover? Well if she would, then he certainly could, after all, he was a part of those who had enslaved her. He best recover. Rather than guilt she felt for the situation now, she only felt a bitter resentment about it, and a small part of her thought that she probably should have done more to the man, so that he couldn't recover, so that he would fully know how she felt. And it was that thought process that was awakened, and had continued to grow sense the senate building on Coruscant. [/i:17ne9yxx][/color:17ne9yxx]*