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The Living Force


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Post Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:07 pm

Re: The Living Force



"No help was sent, was it?" "They abandoned you, didn't they?"



"Talking about me?"

"Can you hear them calling?"
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Post Fri Jan 11, 2013 2:40 am

Re: The Living Force



"And if it did?"

"If it did," "Then the Force is beyond all our understanding."

"Not mine." "Not ours."



"Then explain."

"The Force is out of balance. Only the warring of the Jedi Order and their opposites kept it in equilibrium. Light against Dark always creates the Grey. Now the Jedi are not warring against the Sith, and the Sith are multiplying. Not only that, but the rest of the galaxy is taking up arms against those sects. There is turmoil in the galaxy, and such a galaxy needs balance. The Force knows that whoever comes out on top will not maintain this balance. It needs us."



"Why us?"

"To know that, you must recognise our unique situation." "We are bonded together, Light and Dark, through eternity. Even death itself could not separate us. We are one. And yet, we prove something completely unthinkable. We are evidence to the unconceivable."



"Light and Dark can not only live alongside one another, but can love each other."

"We are the balance the Force is looking for."
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Post Fri Jan 11, 2013 6:09 am

Re: The Living Force

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Post Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:07 am

Re: The Living Force



"Do you hear them?"

"I hear everything you do," "Like I said; we're growing stronger. Right now you can hear the living on Bespin and their daily lives. It's quite... stomach-churning. All that weakness!"

"I don't have to be reminded."

"But... why? Why Cloud City? And no-where else?"

"Because there is something waiting for you there."

"Take me."
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Post Tue Jan 15, 2013 6:07 am

Re: The Living Force

"You heard them." "That is... good news. The universe is reaching out to us, and it wants us back."

"How?"

"Do not worry, you need not embrace the dark side. You've already done that once before. There's no need, anyway; I am here. All you need to do is find your inner Jedi again."

"An impossible trial. You know I am no Jedi; I cannot be! I've broken every rule in the Code!"

"A Jedi who breaks the Code is no less a Jedi than a captain who chooses not to plunge his warship into battle is a captain. The Code is what Jedi use to harness the Light Side of the Force. You are a Jedi. You just need to do some soul-searching."

"But... what then?"

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Post Thu Jan 17, 2013 6:18 pm

Re: The Living Force

There's a term for the emotions you feel when you lose something you care enough about. It's called the grieving cycle. It doesn't have to be the loss of a life. Some don't understand that. It could be the loss of a relationship. An ability. A possession. A position. The emotions do not discriminate; only how strong the feeling is attached to what you loose matters.

The cycle has five stages to it. The first is denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and, lastly, acceptance. Some believe that you go through each stage in order. You don't. You can be angry, then in denial. You can be depressed, then angry, then bargain. Maybe one day you accept the loss, then the next you deny it and bargain. It's not clear cut.

I'm familiar with this cycle. Out of everything that happened in my life, the cycle was something that could be relied upon. Most of my young life I grieved for the loss of my family; namely my mother, Vasti Idulia. When I was a teenager, I grieved the loss of my first love, Jarrod. I grieved the loss of Haln, of my unborn and living children, of Mashal Yuen, of Isis, of Danson, of Eversio, even of alliances I had made, planets I ruled, and opportunities that never came to fruition. My greatest loss was Dominus Lucius. I never truly recovered from that loss. I never accepted it, not even with my last breath.

When 'they' talk about the grieving cycle, it's always in terms of the living. No one mentions the dead can grieve too. And they do. I was.

The promise of the relief of grieving had been one of the two main motivators of my suicide. I'd tried for years to compensate for Dominus' death. In the process I lost my living children to secrecy, as well as the illusion of Eversio that had comforted me in the years after Dominus. I had grieved both, but I wasn't bitter. I had accepted those losses. It Dominus' death was what made me bitter. I yearned to be released of it and, when I decided and came to peace with my course of action, I took comfort in two things: one, that I would be reunited with Dominus in death and, two, that I would be taking Lord Iniquitous to the grave with me.

But I was alone. So alone.

There are many theories on the afterlife, they are as numerous as there are sentient lives and beliefs. I had my own theories, but it wasn't something I thought about very much. I spent most my life in the past, grieving over my losses, and in the present, focusing on my goals. I did not think much of the future unless it was to help achieve my present desires or plan for where I wanted to be. Needless to say, 'dead' was never where I wanted to be.

Even when I came to be at peace with my suicide, my one thought besides, "I'm finally going to kill that nemoidian Iniquitous.", had been, "I will be with Dominus again." Everything in my being believed in this. We had been soulmates. We shared the same beliefs. We were both human. There had never been a doubt in my mind that the commonalities we shared would be enough to join us together in the afterlife.

But he wasn't here. No one was here. The invisible wind still blew my clothing and hair. The landscape never changed. It was as if I were walking in eternal circles. If Dominus were here, it would be worth it. But he wasn't.

And so, even in death, there was the grieving cycle. Even dead, you can still grieve.
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Post Fri Jan 18, 2013 5:19 am

Re: The Living Force



"This is the beginning."
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Post Fri Jan 18, 2013 9:27 pm

Re: The Living Force

They say your life flashes before you when you die. As I lifted my finger to push the button that would activate the bomb, instantly killing Iniquitous and I, nothing flashed before my eyes. I'm sure hope was in my eyes, though. Not hope of the alliance of an arranged marriage between Iniquitous and I, but hope of seeing Dominus. Hope of ending the Arkanian that I had hated for over a decade.

I had no hope left now.

How long had I grieved in this still, dark prison? There was no escape. Was I such a horrible person that I would spend an eternity in this madness? For my grief was ever present with me, following me in death as surely as it had in life. I could not accept it. If I were able to kill myself, I would. But I couldn't. I was already dead.

At least, that is what I thought.

Then my life began to flash before my eyes.
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Post Tue Jan 22, 2013 7:07 pm

Re: The Living Force

Have you ever had a moment of perfect clarity? The type where you know what is going to happen before it does and you're powerless to stop it. It's the kind that goes beyond "I have a bad feeling about this." It's the sick, gut-wrenching feeling you get when you suddenly realize what truth is, but it's too little, too late. I'd like to think that's the last emotion Iniquitous felt before he died, before we were blown up into tiny, little bloody bits. Knowing would have made killing him so much more satisfying.

It's one of the best things about playing the game. The moment when your enemy realizes there is no escape, no getting the upper hand. They lost. You won. There is nothing they can do about it. I only played the game with people I had reason to dislike. Each time I played, it was a personal vendetta. It was personal for my opponents as well. Anything less was a waste of my time, and it made the rush of victory so much sweeter.

I was not immune to these moments of clarity, despite having exercised them upon those I loathed. I had been caught unawares many times. My personal coping strategy for such losses had been "Fight another day." And I always did. Sooner or later, the people I loved to hate would make a mistake, let their guard down, sometimes forget. I never forgot. When they would, inevitably, make these errors, I would be there. Waiting, watching, seizing opportunities. I prided myself on my endurance.

But my coping strategy wouldn't work here. There was no "Fight another day." These moments of awful clarity had happened in my past. Their fate was sealed and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I later appreciated it as quite poetic, in a twisted, sadistic, 'pointy hat off to your opponent' (that kriffing wizardy hat) sort of way...shredding me to the point of absolute hopelessness, then magnifying my grief, despair, and madness with my own past.

But at the time, my horror was oh so real, enlarging my grief in ways I hadn't thought possible. And the only thing I could do was relive these moments of my life...over, and over, and over, and over, and....






Time: 30+ Years Ago, Real Time.
Location: Deyer


I wanted to scream, but my body wouldn't let me. Terror ran cold through my veins as I watched the Jedi fighting my parents. It wasn't a fair fight, the Jedi outnumbered them, and my step-father was not a Force-user. My mother would not be enough to hold them at bay.

I was hiding where my mother put me and my younger brother, Aiden. We weren't to come out for any reason or make a sound. I'm not sure my cries would be heard anyway over the blaster fire and saber clashing. I watched with tears leaking down my cheeks. I was no longer watching as a child. I was being forced to relive this as an adult.

I wanted to run out and fight at my parents' side, but I couldn't move. I wanted to do something, anything, but I was immobilized. I knew what was going to happen. I knew, and there was nothing I could do about it other than watch in horror. I was in the situation and had no choice but to endure it as it had originally played out. I could not change my past. I was just stuck in it.

My brother ran out, stupid, foolish boy. He was cut down by one of the Jedi. One of them - some kind of humaniod species - snarled at my brother's executioner and killed him. Aiden's death was enough for my mother and step-father to lose focus. My mother, in a rage, took several out before she was cut down also. The only man I knew as my father followed.

You would think after all these years, decades and decades, I would finally accept losing my family. At the very least, be numbed. But I wasn't. I was screaming with fury on the inside, unable to do anything but what I originally did: ball my fists in anger in my hiding place as tears washed unbidden down my face.

The same Jedi who killed my brother's murderer was breathing hard and, despite his obvious victory, he didn't look happy. His back straightened, his eyes sliding in my direction. He said something to one of the other Jedi, motioning to my hiding place. When the Jedi grabbed me, my anger was boiling, I wasn't even afraid anymore. My scream was raw and feral, lightening unexpectedly shooting out of my fingers and into the Jedi. I killed her.

Her buddies all reactivated their lightsabers and pointed them at me. One of them was about to bring his blade down on me when the humanoid stopped him. He looked wary, but suddenly pleased. This was odd. I just killed one of his. He steepled his fingers together under that amused, almost joyful, face as he stared at me.

Then I was back in the afterlife.
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Post Tue Jan 22, 2013 7:31 pm

Re: The Living Force

I watched my family be murdered so many times I lost count.

Every time was as alive and real to me as when the event originally took place. These were not mere flashes of my life. I wasn't watching them. I was traveling back in time, I was there. As soon as it played out, I had only moments before I relived it again. I tired, but I didn't numb. The mental and emotional fatigue - with a perfect awareness and without any respite - was an acute, sharp ache in my mind that left my soul raw. After the hundredth time, or maybe the millionth, I had relived the tragedy enough to finally be able to piece a few coherent revelations together.

First, my family's killers were not Jedi. Couldn't be. Most of my childhood, as a Jedi, I held my family's assassination against them. My mother was a Sith, she was the bad guy. I may have tried to play it nice, try to let go of my anger, try to fit in, but my mother was my mother. It wouldn't matter if she was a mass murderer. I would hate the Jedi forever. Now I saw that my feelings against them were based on lies. The Jedi hadn't killed my family. Of that I was certain.

Second, the humanoid. He was...familiar to me, but I couldn't place him. It was almost as if I had seen him in a dream. Maybe I had. I had nightmares into my adulthood of my family being slaughtered. But I had never remembered the humanoid until this very moment. I had never noticed how he killed my brother's attacker. I had never noticed how he looked at me, as if I was some sort of prize. I tried to remember what happened afterward, but my mind was blank and I was always brought back from the past before I could relive anything else.

How did I not notice this before? I spent a large portion of my life consumed with grief, anger, and shock over my family's untimely death. Had the trauma blocked out some of my memories? Another, more troubling, reason rose to the surface. As soon as I thought of it, I knew it was true. I had not noticed who my attackers really were, I had not remembered the humanoid, because those memories had been taken from me.

And as I began to question why, I relived this piece of my personal hell once more.
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