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Open Terrain


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Post Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:22 am

Re: Open Terrain

Landing in a seemingly quiet and tranquil portion of the Thyferra Open Terrain, the two Privates power down the YT-1300 DJS Malcontent. Reaching for a scanner Private Vaan Dat begins to try to hone in on the signal from the ship that they were told to scramble for.

Standing to Vaan Dat's right was Private Nulsa who was surveying the land as Private Vaan Dat began turning North, then Northeast, then west and south all looking for a signal from the ship they were here to retrieve.

It was then that the green fields began to...move. Private Nulsa brought his right hand to his eyes and rubbed them quickly and then shook his head. He looked out towards the landscape once more and the seemingly green fields were moving and heading towards the two soldiers.


=Private Nulsa=

"Hey...um...Vaan Dat..."

=Private Vaan Dat=

"Hold on Nulsa, I'm picking up on a signal here. I think I got something..."

Private Nulsa grabbed the collar of Private Vaan Dat and pointed to the cukes coming towards them at a fast pace

=Private Nulsa=
"ITS A CUKE STAMPEDE!"

=Private Van Daat

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The two men hurried towards the ship and tried to start the engine. They soon realize that the engine has been disabled for whatever reason, as the marching cukes began hurling pieces of death slices of cucumber towards the ship smashing through the windows and nearly killing them both.

==Private Nulsa==

"I'm too young to be cuked! TOO YOUNG!!!!!!!! MY choobies COULD NEVER TAKE IT!"

The two soldiers were sweating profusely and had a look of fear on them that was never displayed before by either men. Private Vaan Dat grabs Private Nulsa and slaps him across the face

=Private Vaan Dat=

"Pull yourself together, man! We have to make a break for it! We can't stay in here we'll be tossed salad before long!"
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Post Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:37 am

Re: Open Terrain

Nulsa looked back at Vaan Dat and shook his head nervously as the sweat poured from his head.

=Private Nulsa=
"This is my ship and I will not leave her behind! Go..."

Private Vaan Dat grabbed Nulsa and pulled him closer shaking him as he spoke, the cukes gaining on them more and more by the minute

=Private Vaan Dat=

"You can't be serious! We'll get another ship the Lord Gov-"

=Private Nulsa=

"THERE WON'T BE ANOTHER SHIP DON'T YOU GET IT! I WON'T LEAVE IT BEHIND! GO! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Private Vaan Dat slid Private Nulsa a blaster and nodded to him as Private Vaan Dat opened the door and disembarked from the ship. He ran as fast as he could towards the single he picked up originally before the invading cukes hoping it was the ship they were sent for. He turned around and saw the ship engulfed completely with cukes, inside unknown to Vaan Dat, Private Nulsa was eventually defeated, bent over the console and cuked harshly before being left to cry himself to sleep in a ship that was saturated in cuke juice....
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Post Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:57 am

Re: Open Terrain

Private Vaan Dat ran for an extended period of time. He was was sweating profusely and by now had shed his over coat of grey with black trim - the official uniform of the Dark Jedi Army.

When he finally reached a point where he could no longer run, he bent over and placed his hands on his knees. It was then that a cuke jumped up and started to penetrate his back side. Vaan Dat screamed bloody murder and removed the cuke from his person, shooting it twelve times and screaming at it until the cuke was vanquished.

He looked around nervously for any others. He could see nothing and then his eyes spotted the ship. It looked exactly how it was presented to himself and Private Nulsa in the holovideo back on Muunilinst. Vaan Dat made a break for the ship as fast as he could.


After running towards the ship and finding himself inside, he wastes no time to check the ship for specifics and does not notice the stealth X technology that the ship is equipped with. The Dark Jedi military personnel would later but right now Vaan Dat was filled with too much fear. He tried to turn the ship on but it wouldn't start. It was then that he heard a large thud above his head. He knew it was the cukes trying to penetrate their way through the ship.


=Vaan Dat=

"YOU BASTARDS!!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He exclaimed as he took his gun out of his holster and pointed it up towards the ceiling of the ship. He continued to try to turn on the ship and then finally the ship turned over. He wasted no time piloting the ship towards the orbit as the cukes tried to find a way inside the ship. It was not until he reached open orbit that the cukes would be killed...
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Post Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:57 am

Re: Open Terrain

*The Mighty Cukules laughed with evil glee as the first of the Gherkin Pods hatched. Hundreds of feral cuke-spawn minions were birthed from the Fields and immediately ran off in loosely organised packs to create havoc upon the land. They would run, stampede, and cuke every living thing they encountered. They would collect more cherries than Pac-Man.*

├óÔé¼┼ôYes, my pretties!├óÔé¼┬Ø boomed Cukules, ├óÔé¼┼ôGo forth, and may your only dressing be the tangy violated tears of our enemies! The Day of the Cucumber is nigh!├óÔé¼┬Ø

*And so the cucumbers spread across the Thyferran terrain like a plague or a zombie apocalypse.*
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Post Wed Apr 14, 2010 9:25 am

Re: Open Terrain

High above Thyferra, Darth Tyrion├óÔé¼Ôäós ship ├óÔé¼╦£The Drunken Stagger├óÔé¼Ôäó maintained orbit. Tyrion was still recovering from the effects of Cactuar├óÔé¼Ôäós gas-attack, but he had issued orders for his crew in the meanwhile; orders to monitor the cucumber outbreak. As a consequence of these orders, a recon team was assembled and shuttled down to the planet├óÔé¼Ôäós surface. This is why loyal crewmen Kevin, Dominic, Jasper and Juan-Carlos found themselves traipsing through the thick jungle underbrush, sweating profusely and swatting at a multitude of starving insects.

├óÔé¼┼ôDamn, it├óÔé¼Ôäós hot!├óÔé¼┬Ø exclaimed Dominic. ├óÔé¼┼ôHow much further?├óÔé¼┬Ø

Kevin paused to take a reading from his positional computer. ├óÔé¼┼ôKeep yer panties on, Dom. We├óÔé¼Ôäóre almost to the clearing.├óÔé¼┬Ø

├óÔé¼┼ôYou said that about ten klicks ago!├óÔé¼┬Ø Jasper interjected. ├óÔé¼┼ôDo you even know how to use that thing? I swear you├óÔé¼Ôäóre making Sithspit up├óÔé¼┬ª├óÔé¼┬Ø

It was Juan-Carlos who ended the petty squabble. ├óÔé¼┼ôLook, fellas!├óÔé¼┬Ø JC pointed at a break in the foliage. ├óÔé¼┼ôWe├óÔé¼Ôäóre here.├óÔé¼┬Ø

The four swabbies emerged from the jungle in a small clearing on a cliff overlooking an expanse of open-terrain. From this vantage point, they would spot anything approaching Xozhixi from the west. Dom opened a comlink channel to ├óÔé¼╦£The Stag├óÔé¼Ôäó and advised that Recon Two was in position.

A far off glint of sun-on-metal suddenly caught Juan-Carlos├óÔé¼Ôäó attention. He shrugged out of his heavy ruck-sack, and raised his binos for a better look. There was a hover-transport full of kiddies on a school field trip that sped recklessly towards the city. On maximum magnification, JC could see the frantic wide-eyed expression on the pilot├óÔé¼Ôäós face. Something was wrong. Something pursued the school bus├óÔé¼┬ª

├óÔé¼┼ôOh, dear lord, no!├óÔé¼┬Ø whispered Juan-Carlos. ├óÔé¼┼ôNot the children!├óÔé¼┬Ø As he uttered these words, a horde of cactus-cukes spilled over the horizon and swarmed the bus. They were too far away to offer any assistance to the doomed school bus. JC could do nothing but watch in horror as the adults on the bus were savagely cuked and the kiddies enslaved. The children would be used to weed the Cucumber Fields with their small cunning hands.
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Post Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:08 am

Re: Open Terrain

Doctor Baron Vong Cukenhauser served as the ├óÔé¼╦£Right Hand of Doom├óÔé¼Ôäó to the Mighty Cukules. He was a tall, slender, pale-green cucumber mutant who wore a monocle over his scarred right eye. His crimson officer├óÔé¼Ôäós coat was gaudily decorated with a plethora of gold braids and cheap-looking medals of questionable merit. His tall black rubber boots and matching gloves were always polished to an immaculate glossy lustre.

Brilliant, twisted *and* clinically insane, Vong Cukenhauser was Overseer of the enslaved children. With a smile that could only be construed as a sneer, he looked on as droves of Thyferran children were herded into the Fields to begin their labour. Turning to a cactus-cuke minion, he spoke. ├óÔé¼┼ôIt is time. Release the Orbiter.├óÔé¼┬Ø The minion bowed deeply, careful to keep its choobies at a safe distance lest it be cuked arbitrarily, and ran off to do the Doctor├óÔé¼Ôäós bidding.

Moments later, a gigantic sphincter opened in the centre of the Cucumber Fields and shat out an organic satellite. It drifted away from the ground like a weather balloon, rose to the upper-atmosphere, and began to emit a high-frequency coded electronic signal that interrupted all of the planetary children├óÔé¼Ôäós television programming├óÔé¼┬ª
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Post Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:08 am

Re: Open Terrain

*Far below the nefarious cucumber Orbiter, millions of Thyferran children blinked as their favourite silly-shows were suddenly scrambled and became unintelligible static. The interference soon cleared and the image of a cartoon cucumber dominated the screen.

:: ├óÔé¼┼ôHi, boys and girls! I├óÔé¼Ôäóm your good pal Pickles! I├óÔé¼Ôäóm here to tell you to unlock your doors when your parents are asleep! Otherwise, the boogeyman will come and rip your pee-pee off! And we all want to keep our pee-pee├óÔé¼Ôäós, right? That├óÔé¼Ôäós right! So listen to your good pal Pickles! Soon, we can all play together in the happy-fun Cucumber Fields!├óÔé¼┬Ø ::

Slack-jawed and completely transfixed, the children of Thyferra were enthralled; their parents were oblivious and dismissive as many parents tend to be├óÔé¼┬ª*
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Post Thu Apr 22, 2010 11:42 am

Re: Open Terrain

Aboard ├óÔé¼╦£The Drunken Stagger,├óÔé¼Ôäó Captain Darth Tyrion and his advisors were seated at a long mahogany conference table in the War Room. Tyrion leaned forward in his chair and held up a hand to silence the bickering officers.

├óÔé¼┼ôOk, so our next move is to develop a chemical defoliant and saturate the cucumbers. Good. I like it. What do we need for this?├óÔé¼┬Ø Tyrion looked at Jeeves.

├óÔé¼┼ôWell, Sire, we should get a sample first,├óÔé¼┬Ø the Pau├óÔé¼Ôäóan began, ├óÔé¼┼ôWe have Recon Two on the ground├óÔé¼┬ª perhaps they can capture a cucumber soldier and secure such a sample. A standard med-kit scanner should be enough to acquire the data needed.├óÔé¼┬Ø

├óÔé¼┼ôExcellent,├óÔé¼┬Ø said Tyrion, rising from the table, ├óÔé¼┼ôMake it so. I will be in my meditation sphere. You are all dismissed.├óÔé¼┬Ø

*Meanwhile, on planet-side Kevin let loose a tirade of profanity. He├óÔé¼Ôäód just received orders from ├óÔé¼╦£The Stag├óÔé¼Ôäó for Recon Two to capture a cactus-cuke and take a full medical DNA scan of it. This was easier said than done. The cukes travelled in large vicious packs. How the hell were they to isolate one and take it alive? As Kevin informed the others of their mission, JC paled but said nothing, Dom vomited, and Jasper began to cry. Kevin took a quick step towards Jasper and backhanded him hard across the face.

├óÔé¼┼ôGet a hold of yourself, Corporal! I dunno about you, but I├óÔé¼Ôäód rather face a hundred thousand of those bloody things naked than face Lord Tyrion in failure!├óÔé¼┬Ø This seemed to have an immediate sobering effect on Jasper. He quit crying, but his lower lip still quivered. ├óÔé¼┼ôRight then!├óÔé¼┬Ø continued Kevin. ├óÔé¼┼ôWe need a plan. Any ideas?├óÔé¼┬Ø The four members of Recon Two looked at each other in puzzled silence; each frantically trying to formulate a plan of attack├óÔé¼┬ª*
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Post Fri Apr 23, 2010 10:00 pm

Re: Open Terrain

*Nightfall brought both darkness and chaos. The children of Thyferra were roused simultaneously in a hypnotic trance. Under the influence of the nefarious cucumber Orbiter, they crept from their beds on silent PJ├óÔé¼Ôäóed feet, made their way to their respective household doors, and disabled all locks and security protocols. Once their task was completed, the children returned to their beds and dreamed of playing in the happy-fun Cucumber Fields with their friend Pickles├óÔé¼┬ª*

The cucumber armies marched towards the exposed Thyferran cities with indecent intent├óÔé¼┬ª
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Post Fri Apr 30, 2010 4:45 pm

Re: Open Terrain

*Avidus stumbled through the night unaware of the danger he was in. He figured the best defense was a good offense anyways. He learned that from somewhere...If only he could remember where. . .His brows furrowed when suddenly a group of cukes emerged from the brush on the edge of town. He was startled at first. But kept calm. Simply activating his combat program his HUD registered 8 enemies in his immediate area. And something tingling at the back of his mind, this time much stronger than before, told him this was just the beginning. Unsheathing his claymore from it's scabbard. He grinned lightly. This was going to be fun!*

=cukes=
*The Doctor had ordered them all forward. These cukes where just the first of many many waves. And while they were indeed small in number, at least for the moment, they were only an advance scouting party. They noticed Avidus the same time he noticed them. Something about Avidus told them that he wouldn't be as easy as they at first thought, but then he smiled. And that meant, he would feel their pain. More than anything, the cukes hate happiness. All of them determined to crawl up his choobies, or force themselves down this mortal's throat. Then they heard the whine of something activating.*

=Avidus=

*Assuming a defensive stance at first, he charged forward and brought his claymore across in a broad sweep attempting to hack the cukes in half. The cukes however, had a sense about them, they saw the gleam from the massive blade before the strike and dropped to the ground. Now inside within cuking range, they now sprung up aiming for Avidus's choobies, only to find that Avidus was gone. Turning about slightly bewildered. They again spotted him a good 10 further than they thought he was.*

=Cukes=

*(Via Veggie telepathy) The Cuke is strong with this one. . .Or he is just lucky.*
*It was the cukes turn to attack and they did so with a vengence. Avidus had realized that his opponent was too small for his claymore so he planted it in the ground tip in the rich soil of Thyferra and drew out his twin red lightsabers. The cukes came on. This time Avidus attempted a faster slash and waited till the cukes where almost upon him. He heard a slight screech as one of the cukes which wasn't fast enough, was cloven in half. He smiled but his 'victory' was short lived. His felled enemy now rose, with a lightsaber as a weapon, the Cukes couldn't be killed, their rich succulent juices would be retained and allow them to survive. The now nine cukes turned in unison. At first the cukes had recoiled at the sight of the lightsabers, they glimmered with a deadly sheen but now they laughed.*

*(Via cuke Telepathy) HA HA HA HA! So, their weapons are-*

=Avidus=
*BOOM! One of the cukes exploded. The remaining eight cukes turned and looked at the speaker. Only to find to their horror, that his juices had been blown everywhere. As they once again lunged at Avidus another one exploded. Avidus smiled.*

*So, HE rounds work eh?*

*He thought to himself. As the massive slug thrower jolted his arm about. quickly holstering the slug thrower he raised his hand and traced a rune. The cukes had closed in, but something held them back. They felt a sudden unease now that they were within Cuking range. They caught only one sentence.*

I summon Mr. Fro-Fro!
*A loud BOOM! Echoed as the dark energy dispersed resuming it's normal course in the universe. When the thunder had died away there stood in front of Avidus of all things, a massive rabbit.*

=Mr. Fro-Fro=

Wha? Where'd my strippers go?

*Turning he notes Avidus.*

YOU choobies! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BEST LAP DANCE A RABBIT CAN GET! WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN-

=Avidus=

*Simply points to the Cukes.*

=Mr. Fro-Fro=

Eh? You at least got me lunch!

*Launches himself at the Cukes opening his enormous mouth.*

=Cukes=
*(Via Cuke telepathy) FALL BACK! FALL THE HELL BAC-*
*The cukes vanished like the NY Yankees into Villa's mum as Mr. Fro-Fro opened his gaping maw and swallowed every last cuke in the scout party before turning to face Avidus.*

=Mr. Fro-Fro=

That wasn't all that bad laddie, I'm full. But on that note. I am getting the kriff out of here! I miss my little play bunnies.

*After taking a massive Sithspit Mr. Fro-Fro vanishes.*

=Avidus=

*Shivers and nearly collapses from the sith magic he'd just used. He weakly stumbles about. Then hears a rustling noise. His combat senses kicking in, he whips out his short Phirk cutlass that was a gift from some crazy pirate he'd met a while ago and faces the new threat.*

=Lone Cuke=

You WILL submit to the will of the ALMIGHTY CUKE!
*The Cuke launched itself in the air at Avidus aiming to hit him in the face, but Avidus ducked to the side and swipped at the Cuke. He felt his blow connect and and one of the most inhuman screeches as a fair chunk of the cukes skin fell to the ground.*

Not bad human not bad. . .

=Avidus=
*In his robotic voice without opening his mouth.*

You will find, that I am not human at all foul veggie. And I shall send you where you belong, to the compost heap!

*Avidus activated his Adrinaline reserve, which allowed him to move faster for a short amount of time he sliced clean through the cuke and took off in the oppisite direction heading back to the city. He had come to realize that out here, was no safer than in the city. And rather than be outnumbered, he thought perhaps he could get the drop on the next scouting party that would be headed this way. Little did he know, that if he had kept going, he could have made it to the jungle as the scouting party he'd run into was the at the very far left of the sinister cuke army's advance.*
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Post Sat May 01, 2010 6:00 pm

Re: Open Terrain

It was here in the trees that any of the VSE that cared could find Ava after she fled Leto. It was odd how she felt she could not leave the planet, even after she had alienated herself from first Targus and now Bes'tial. It was like tempting fate staying here. As much as she wanted to hate all of them, she would not leave.

Part of her had fallen in love with the planet. It was truly beautiful here. A tropical paradise that would chew her up and spit her out daily if it could but grasp the writhing Calnennore. This place reminded her so much of her home that it pained her to even think of leaving momentarily.

She had yet to find a great expanse of water here on Thyferra, and this was the only seeming drawback to the physical attributes of the planet. She sighed heavily as she sat upon her branch.

It was terribly lonely here, even with the forest breathing and whispering around her in its hushed tones. The VSE themselves were too loud, the common locals too soft. Was there a part of this planet that could be a medium? Too deep in thought she had become over things so simple.

A butterfly landed upon her blue knuckles, softly batting its iridescent wings so that the sun shone off of them in a dazzling array of splendor. It was enough to bring a small smile to her face. Simplicity was often thought to be best, but there seemed that there was nothing really simple in all the galaxy.

The churning thoughts began to stir her wrath, dredging memories of how much she had lost from people, and how much people had lost because of her. Power surged within her, burning from the inside out. Such great power, and no way to channel it. Two times she had been offered answers. Both times she had run away. It was too much for her.

In her own way, she knew how the Force worked, and how she could wield it. But what she did not know how to deal with all of the feeling now. It was the tumult of emotions that lashed out from her every moment. The energies welling within damaged her throughout, how would she control such things?

Her shaggy blonde head hung down between her shoulders, red eyes glowing intensely with their stare at the insect lit upon her hand. They shone like burning coals within her blue face. Was there any hope to control this? Her skin flared hot as she felt the emotions twist within. Keening and animal screams erupted from her as she felt the Force rip her apart and fling her back together.

Disturbed, the butterfly took its flight, leaving her behind to rock alone on her branch.
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Post Tue May 04, 2010 8:30 am

Re: Open Terrain

Jim and Lola had been asleep for several hours in their tidy suburban Thyferran bungalow, when Lola woke with a start. There had been a clatter and a crash coming from the backyard. Lola grabbed her husband by the shoulder and shook him awake.

├óÔé¼┼ôJim! Wake up! I heard something!├óÔé¼┬Ø

Jim snorted and brushed Lola├óÔé¼Ôäós hand away. ├óÔé¼┼ôDammit, Lola! I├óÔé¼Ôäóve got to be up for work soon! It├óÔé¼Ôäós probably just a critter,├óÔé¼┬Ø he muttered and rolled over. ├óÔé¼┼ôGo back to sleep.├óÔé¼┬Ø

├óÔé¼┼ôI├óÔé¼Ôäóm telling you I heard something!├óÔé¼┬Ø said Lola. Jim groaned sleepily. Suddenly, another crash from the backyard echoed thorough the house. Jim bolted upright and looked at his wife, who was wide-eyed with terror and clutching the bedcovers to her chest.

├óÔé¼┼ôGo get the kids,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jim whispered, ├óÔé¼┼ôI├óÔé¼Ôäóm going to check it out.├óÔé¼┬Ø He got out of bed, put on his housecoat and slippers, and left the bedroom. He could definitely hear someone or something rustling around in the garden out back. As he tiptoed across the kitchen tiles, making his way to the frosted glass patio door, he could see shadows moving across the yard lights. Suddenly, there was a scream from the children├óÔé¼Ôäós room. Jim whirled around and saw Lola running towards him, tears streaming down her face. She latched on to her husband, sobbing.

├óÔé¼┼ôOMFG, Jim! The kids are gone!├óÔé¼┬Ø she managed, out of breath. Jim held her tight for a moment or two before prying her off. He held her firmly by the shoulders and looked into her wet grief-stricken eyes.

├óÔé¼┼ôCalm down, honey,├óÔé¼┬Ø he said softly, ├óÔé¼┼ôI think they├óÔé¼Ôäóre outside. It seems that I forgot to latch the back door before bed.├óÔé¼┬Ø Lola took a deep shaky breath, exhaled slowly, and nodded. Jim offered her a smile and brushed her tears away with a gentle hand. Lola smiled back weakly as a warm wave of affection washed over her; Lola felt lucky to have married a man as good as Jim. Together, they slid open the patio door and stepped outside├óÔé¼┬ª

The children were there in the yard, and Jim suddenly wished they were not. Cassie and Dora, ages four and six respectively, were standing on either side of a small green vegetable man who bristled with long spiky thorns. They held its hands in theirs and looked adoringly up into its face. The cactus-cuke raised its tiny black eyes and regarded Jim and Lola with cold contempt. A slow wicked grin spread across the cucumber warrior├óÔé¼Ôäós face, as a dozen more cactus-cukes scrabbled over the fence.

****The cuking of Lola and Jim is edited for content due to graphic violence and extreme vegetable pornography.****

Lola and Jim├óÔé¼Ôäós fate was a scene played out across many Thyferran cities; the parents were savagely cuked, and the children enslaved. It was a night of terror. It was the Night of the Living Cucumbers├óÔé¼┬ª
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Post Wed May 05, 2010 4:56 pm

Re: Open Terrain

*Throughout the night, Thyferran security forces and emergency services workers were swarmed by the cucumber hordes. Cuked without mercy, they were left broken and weeping in the streets. The victims clung to each other without comfort, desperately wishing for a hot shower and some mouthwash; their wailing heard over the public alarm klaxons and sirens that still resounded in the night.

There were spectacular firefights in the streets. Energy weapons screamed and slug-throwers chattered as barricaded survivors held out against waves of cactus-cukes. For every cuke destroyed, three more seemed to take its place. Liquor stores were looted by the savage green tide of cucumber warriors which not only sparked their drunken fervour but also made their corpses highly flammable. It was dangerous to kill the cactus-cukes and even more dangerous (and insulting) not to├óÔé¼┬ª*
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Post Tue May 11, 2010 3:42 am

Re: Open Terrain

Kevin cast a furtive glance back at the cage that held the nasty little cucumber man. It had thrown itself against the bars of its prison for hours after capture but had finally settled down some. The cucumber seemed to sense Kevin├óÔé¼Ôäós stare, because it looked up with those tiny soulless black eyes to meet his gaze and spat at him. Using its creepy Cuke telepathy, the cactus-cuke said:

<<├óÔé¼┬ØYour friend had it easy. You will be saved for last when my brethren catch up, and I promise they will not be gentle with you.├óÔé¼┬Ø>>

Kevin did not reply. He looked away to check his weapon for the hundredth time. He barely suppressed a shudder as he recalled Jasper├óÔé¼Ôäós grisly demise. His squad mate had always been a bit of a coward, and facing an advancing mob of cactus-cukes proved too much for Jasper to handle. A random cuke patrol had approached close to Recon Two├óÔé¼Ôäós camouflaged position and Jasper had panicked. Certain they would be discovered, he broke cover and ran. He made it perhaps two-hundred metres before the cactus-cukes caught up and swarmed him. Jasper├óÔé¼Ôäós screams were choked off as several throbbing cucumbers were shoved rudely down his gullet. However, the distraction had offered the rest of Recon Two the opportunity to snag a straggler cuke.

Juan-Carlos walked up to Kevin, kicking the cage as he passed, which caused the cucumber man to recoil and hiss with rage. JC clapped his comrade on the shoulder. ├óÔé¼┼ôDom has radioed ├óÔé¼╦£The Stag.├óÔé¼Ôäó Evac in ten.├óÔé¼┬Ø Kevin nodded but maintained his sullen silence. JC hoped the shuttle would not be late; they were all eager to get off this planet and away from the cukes.
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Post Wed May 12, 2010 9:04 am

Re: Open Terrain

Aboard ├óÔé¼╦£The Drunken Stagger,├óÔé¼Ôäó Captain Darth Tyrion Esquire stood looking down upon the large holographic table in the centre of the War Room. Deep in thought, Tyrion stroked his chin as he studied the image of the Cucumber Fields as it slowly rotated above the table├óÔé¼Ôäós surface. Various bits of technical data drifted lazily from highlighted areas, which indicated that the Fields were rapidly expanding at an ever increasing rate. If the accelerated expansion continued, the planet would be completely dominated in a matter of months, perhaps even weeks. Around the table, Tyrion├óÔé¼Ôäós officers sat patiently waiting for their lord to speak. Finally, he did.

├óÔé¼┼ôRecon Two did a helluva job,├óÔé¼┬Ø Tyrion remarked, and turned to Jeeves, ├óÔé¼┼ôMake sure they get a good hot meal├óÔé¼┬ª NO salad├óÔé¼┬ª and a long rest.├óÔé¼┬Ø Jeeves bowed and issued the orders into his comlink. Tyrion looked at his Chief Medical Officer next, and asked, ├óÔé¼┼ôShouldn├óÔé¼Ôäót you be somewhere else right now? Like in the medical bay studying our new specimen, perhaps?├óÔé¼┬Ø Tyrion├óÔé¼Ôäós yellow Sith eyes glowed menacingly, and the medical officer flinched. The good doctor quickly gathered his papers and half-ran out of the room. Tyrion nodded with satisfaction and addressed the remaining council.

├óÔé¼┼ôAnd now, gentlemen, we must wait├óÔé¼┬ª├óÔé¼┬Ø
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Post Wed May 12, 2010 11:49 am

Re: Open Terrain

*The Science and Medical crew aboard ├óÔé¼╦£The Stag├óÔé¼Ôäó worked around the clock doing scientific and medical things to their captured nemesis. They peered into crazy-looking microscopes and hmm├óÔé¼Ôäóed and hawed over nigh unintelligible scanner reports. They took samples, placing them into complicated-looking science machines, and charted various chemical reactions under controlled environments. Then they took a break for lunch. And then they resumed their mission to unravel the mysteries of their cucumber foe├óÔé¼┬ª*
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Post Wed May 12, 2010 1:19 pm

Re: Open Terrain

Within his newly vong-formed sanctuary, a massive tower called ├óÔé¼╦£The Phallus Palace,├óÔé¼Ôäó the Mighty Cukules sat on his throne and scowled. Doctor Baron Vong Cukenhauser knelt before his god and liege, sweating profusely through his own fear. Although the invasion was going well, there was still the small matter of the Dark Lords of Thyferra, or rather the lack of them. Thyferra was supposed to be a bastion of Sithly power and the home of the dreaded VSE. So far, the cucumber army had little contact with them. The Mighty Cukules stared at his kneeling supplicant.

├óÔé¼┼ôWhere are they?├óÔé¼┬Ø It was a demand rather than a question. Cukenhauser tugged at the collar of his pretty crimson officer├óÔé¼Ôäós coat before he could answer his lord.

├óÔé¼┼ôI cannot say, O Mighty One,├óÔé¼┬Ø the Baron replied. ├óÔé¼┼ôOur reavers have been raiding with lusty resolve, we have taken many Thyferran cities, and yet our contact with the Sith has been├óÔé¼┬ª almost non-existent. The VSE undoubtedly fear your power, Your Grace├óÔé¼┬ª├óÔé¼┬Ø

├óÔé¼┼ôTell that to my beloved Cactuar!├óÔé¼┬Ø Cukules slammed a fist against the arm of his throne-chair. ├óÔé¼┼ôI want the head of the one called Tyrion. And the ones called Eversio and Avidus Dubh as well! They will pay for their desecrations! I shall make an example of all who dare oppose my will!├óÔé¼┬Ø Cukules sat back in his chair, his rage spent for the moment. ├óÔé¼┼ôThey have shown us that they have some balls, at least, but now they have fled. Find them! And bring them to me. I will cuke them myself.├óÔé¼┬Ø Cukenhauser began to rise, but stopped as Cukules raised a hand. ├óÔé¼┼ôAnd, good doctor,├óÔé¼┬Ø the cucumber god added softly as he leaned forward, ├óÔé¼┼ôI want the one called Azrael. Above all, I would have him. He supposedly leads this pathetic group, this Vegemite Sith Enclave.├óÔé¼┬Ø Cukules spat a massive wad of phlegm off to the side as he mentioned the VSE. His ire began to build momentum as he continued. ├óÔé¼┼ôI want his Wheels as well! Bring me Reign and Targus. Bring me Bes├óÔé¼Ôäótial and Carnifex, Villa of Aston and Grizz the so-called Sith├óÔé¼Ôäóari. Find me Elaen and tell him his tab is due! I want Si-Uri and Lamia brought in chains before me!├óÔé¼┬Ø As he spoke each name, his thorns grew as stiff as his gherkin, and he worked himself into a lather. ├óÔé¼┼ôI want all the ones I haven├óÔé¼Ôäót named, also! All of them! I WANT THE VSE FOUND AND I WANT THEM ENSLAVED! DO YOU HEAR?!?├óÔé¼┬Ø By the end of his speech, Cukules frothed at the mouth and his Sith tattoos swirled in a frenzy across his green vegetable neck and torso.

Vong Cukenhauser swallowed hard and his voice quavered in fear. ├óÔé¼┼ôI hear you, my lord, and I obey.├óÔé¼┬Ø Once Cukenhauser was dismissed, he pondered the great task set before him and knew it meant his own death to fail. Where would he find these VSE warriors that his lord and god so despised?

Suddenly, it dawned on him: where there is booze, there would be VSE. Doctor Baron Vong Cukenhauser grinned a terrible cucumber grin.
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Post Sun May 16, 2010 1:54 pm

Re: Open Terrain

*Finally, a scientist aboard ├óÔé¼╦£The Stag├óÔé¼Ôäó looked up from his research and said ├óÔé¼┼ôEureka!├óÔé¼┬Ø The coveted breakthrough had been made. One part diesel fuel, one part diet Coke, one part bantha poodoo, a pinch of glitterstim and some hyperchloridium magnaphosphoritic sulphate (!?) combined to form a promising cucumber defoliant (who would have figured...?)*
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Post Wed May 26, 2010 9:06 am

Re: Open Terrain

Inside the ├óÔé¼╦£Phallus Palace,├óÔé¼Ôäó The Mighty Cukules sat wearily upon his seat of power. His black cucumber eyes gazed out the gigantic window of the throne room that overlooked the vast Cucumber Fields. Ah, the Fields! They grew tall and strong, and were tended by a million slaved Thyferran children; day and night, the kiddies toiled with garden hoes and wheelbarrows full of fertilizer. His minions prospered, the Grand Cucumber Army swelled, his coffers were fat with plundered riches. Everything was going according to plan, perhaps even better, and yet├óÔé¼┬ª and yet├óÔé¼┬ª

Cukules sighed heavily. He was made to pillage, wage war and defile fleshlings. He did not enjoy all this sitting around. It was time for The Mighty Cukules to go on a raid. He had sent Doctor Baron Vong Cukules on to ├óÔé¼╦£The Giant Boob├óÔé¼Ôäó to oust the darksiders there, so he summoned his vizier Bruce instead. Bruce promptly entered the throne room at his master├óÔé¼Ôäós call.

├óÔé¼┼ôYou rang, My Lord?├óÔé¼┬Ø said Bruce, bowing deeply. He was a squat but powerful little cuke, bare-chested and wearing black kung-fu pants with golden dragons embroidered on the legs. He had two pairs of ├óÔé¼╦£cumbchuks├óÔé¼Ôäó tucked in a wide red sash around his waist. Behind Bruce came his squire, Sheila, who stood meekly in the background with her head bowed reverently. Where Bruce was short and bulky, Sheila was tall and thin. She was dressed in a similar fashion but added a studded leather vest to the ensemble. Bruce and Sheila were inseparable; almost counting as a single entity.

├óÔé¼┼ôPrepare the 110th Bantha Legion. I wish to ride, raid, and wet my gherkin,├óÔé¼┬Ø commanded Cukules. Bruce smiled wickedly and bowed with enthusiasm.

├óÔé¼┼ôAs you say, Sire,├óÔé¼┬Ø said Bruce, ├óÔé¼┼ôMay we join Your Grace?├óÔé¼┬Ø

├óÔé¼┼ôOf course. Now be off, and do my bidding.├óÔé¼┬Ø Bruce and Sheila rushed off to obey.
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Post Thu May 27, 2010 1:30 pm

Re: Open Terrain

Bruce and Sheila had departed to prepare the 110th Bantha Legion for departure, and once again The Mighty Cukules was left alone in the empty solitude of his throne room. He began to sing├óÔé¼┬ª

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxHHMEEKsFA
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