Corrupt a wish (Reboot)

You wish is granted, however, that something is a planet that collides with the earth on Saturday morning, effectively killing all life on the planet.

I wish for Global Peace.

Your wish is granted. The world comes together in a spirit of Unity and Peace. This causes the rise of a new one-world unified government. This government is so concerned with keeping the peace and upholding democracy that it becomes bloated, bureaucratic and impotent. The world economy slowly degrades as the people are forgotten and ignored, with any legislation meant to help them getting stuck and subsequently lost in the infinite number of government committees who argue day and night. Eventually this leads to global revolution by the downtrodden masses. No one can agree on who should lead the world at the revolution's conclusion, leading to factions popping up all over the world, each one of which vies for control through global warfare.

I wish for the world to be consumed by war and violence, and I don't care whether or not I survive it.

Your wish is granted and World War III finally opens up after so much paranoia. Entire countires are consumed with nuclear fire as the world leaders in the arms race have no discretion in their use of large scale Weapons of Mass Destruction. After nearly a year of constant conflict, the world market falls apart and those leading countires have all but starved from the prolonged conflict. In the end, the world is left as a barren wasteland, one that few will survive in.

I wish that something will happen 12-21-12.

I'm confused...how precisely did you corrupt my wish? :p

Anyway, your wish is granted. But the thing that happens is not what you expect. The world is taken over by the ghost of Mexican bandito and revolutionary Pancho Villa. He doesn't like you, though, and executes you.

I wish the Mayans were wiped out before they made their stupid calender.

Your wish is granted, however, the Mayan Shaman places a cruse on the one responsible for their deaths. This individual happens to be your ancestor, and when the curse starts to bloom, you and your family are gunned down by a man from Merida.

I wish to become the god Ra.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, I have a better knowledge of the evolution of Egyptian religion than you, and know that Ra was eventually combined with the god Amon to make the deity Amon-Ra, phasing both Amon and Ra out of the religion as individuals. Later, both would be forgotten during Egypt's brief foray into monotheism under the rule of the Pharaoh Aten (who for the record was hideously deformed from the constant inbreeding of the royal line). So yeah...basically you are sent to obscurity by the Middle Eastern equivalent of Bubba-Jay, the trailer park hillbilly.

I wish for my wish to be corrupted.

You wish is granted and the Goblins of Corruption, but without an legitimate wish to corrupt, they all say 'sod it' and go back to sleep for the next wish to be cast.

You have corrupted your own wish and thus broken the Corrupt a Wish chain like an idiot, an idiot with a brain the size of a water-biscuit.

In short dear friend, you have just turned yourself into

I wish for my other half to stop trying to clean my ears with cotton buds, since she makes it hurt and annoys me.

You wish is granted, and as a present you other half hires an in-home medical assistant to clean your ears for you. Unfortunately, the person she hires is Helga the Death Nurse, a Bavarian giantess with the strength (and intelligence) of a yak. On the very first cleaning she pins you under her knees, and with a loud cry of "HOLD STILL, PLEASE" rams a giant cotton bud through one ear, your brain, and out the other. On the bright side, your ears are now scrupulously clean.

I wish for a pet sloth.

Granted, you've received a pet Sloth. Unfortunately you thought it never moved because they were slow, after a couple of months you discover it was dead upon delivery!

I wish for a white Christmas

Granted; the volcano near your town erupted and coated everything in ten feet of ash.

I wish for a kinkier girlfriend.

Your girlfriend becomes kinkier, but in so doing, picks up on a fetish about biting off cocks. Say goodbye to your member.

I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner.

Unfortunately Weiner also means wheelwright and as such you get a wheel made out of Oscar Meyer.

I wish to be infallible.

Your wish is granted. Because your always right you are rejected from society and because your always right you never learned that sometimes people need to be wrong, especially if your a guy arguing with your woman ;D

I wish this week would go faster!

Your wish is granted, this week and all the consecutive weeks speed up, while you age at the normal pace. One week for you is the equivlant of ten years for everyone else, after a few weeks of this everyone you know has died of old age while you are stuck living for the thousands of years to everyone else, becoming a test subject in a secret underground base.

I wish to become a vampire with cool powers yet not sparkle.

Your wish comes true. You are bitten by a vampire lord and turned into a creature of the night. Instead of sparkling you are stuck in a never ending cycle like True Blood. You eventually reveal the existence of Vampires to the world, and are slain by other vampires for this. Your body is covered in glitter for humiliation.

I wish that there were more people who wrote as Tusken Raiders on JvS.

Fifty more new writers descend on the site, all looking to write Tusken Raiders - and all with the writing skill of Arok Valestrom and Windu. Your beloved Tatooine shall never be cleansed. Happy birthday.

I wish for a STD.

Congrats. You are now the proud owner of an STD, at least the building. The State Transportation Department eventually grows into into the DMV as we know it today, and in return it eats you and makes you wait in its lines and deal with its uncooperative State Workers for all eternity. And the TVs only play infomercials.....INFOMERCIALS!!!!!!

I wish that I was meritoriously promoted to Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps.