Jugsmuk

*All of a sudden, the walls that surrounded Tooka in his dream began to melt as if made by chocolate, the entire dream universe dissolved into blackness. The sweet smell of heaven changed to the familiar smell of bacon. Tooka felt motion as if he was being carried. Still fresh from his dream he was totally confused and felt scared to open his eyes.*

*Seconds passed and Tooka soon realised his Charlie Sheen heaven was merely a pigment of his imagination. He kept his eyes closed, the feeling of being carried and being so close to another's warm chest was a comforting feeling, but Tooka curiosity got the better of him, he cautiously opened his left eye, just enough to see who or what was carrying him.*

*Tooka looked at the creature carrying him, he was a gaunt creature without emotion in his face. At this point the curiosity turned to fear, where was he being taken and what will happen to him?*

*Tooka nervously opened his mouth to try and communicate with his carrier. The words came out very warbled in Tooka's state of fear, however the fear soon turned to panic that his favourite toy and only love in the world might have been stolen from him forever.*

IC: Wh......wh.....where are you taking me? Im really sorry for the intrusion, I errrrrrr accidenly dropped a toy of mine up into and through the window and I was errrr just err trying to get it. Not that the toy is important to me, but while we are on the subject, is it safe will I get it back.............just wondering........*

*Grognak snorted in surprise as he heard the Ewok begin to speak. He knew enough basic to understand the gist of what Tooka was saying, though he wouldn't be able to respond in kind.* *Gamorreans lacked the proper vocal cords in order to speak in basic. It is why their language developed as a combination of grunts, snorts, squeals, and other various barnyard noises.* *He looked back towards where the toy lay on the floor, thinking hard whether or not it was a good idea to simply let the Ewok go. There was still fighting going on outside. The Ewok invasion force brought by Chirpa had hammered the village of Jugsmuk hard. Axes and spears continued to ring in the background as the two opposing sides clashed just a ways down the hill.*

*Unlike the others though, this particular Ewok seemed a bit more civil. He wasn't yet stricken by the need to consume vast amounts of bacon like the others were. Besides, was it really Grog's role to act as security? He was only getting paid minimum wage, which on Gamorr was seven wupiupi an hour and a morrt every other Tuesday.*

*Finally, deciding to show leniency, he placed the unsteady Wok back on the ground and pointed in the direction of the dropped Charlie Sheen toy. He snorted and squealed as he addressed the small furball.*

Grog: "*Squeal* *Grunt* *Squeal* *Snort*. *Double Snort* *Short Squeal*." *Which in Gamorrese meant "Your toy is over there. Watch the broken glass."*

*As Dragus spoke, Tooka felt a huge sigh of relief, his life and his plastic soulmate were intact. The advice to watch the glass made Tooka feel like this creature meant him no harm and his gaurd was instantly lowered. Touching down on the floor from Dragus' hold Tooka cautiosly moved accross the factory floor and to his toy, he sat on the floor and picked it up, cradling it in his arms and stroking the perfectly moulded hair of the toy as if it were his own family.

Tooka began to well up, he had hit rock bottom, where to go from here? This had not gone to plan and Tooka had no idea what path would lie ahead for him. He held back the tears, he did not want his new aquintance to think him a big wok sissy boy.

Tooka became aware of the fighting coming from outside, he had been totally oblivious to it on his approach to the factory, his mind totally focused at the job in hand. Tooka felt nervous, turned to Dragus and asked,*
IC: What is going on here Sir?*

*Tooka carried on stroking the toy, using it as a comfort blanket as he waited for Dragus' response.*

*It isn't Dragus. It's Grognak. Dragus is still outside, down the hill somewhere, waiting for Chirpa to respond to his marriage proposal. Which I might add is taking the little Wok and awfully long time to respond to. I want to get married, dammit! Grog on the other hand is in the factory, conversing with Tooka.*

*The Gamorrean inwardly reflected a moment before responding.* *What was happening outside? From his limited understanding of it, some cross dressing Ewok in a pink frilly dress had showed up with a bunch of other Ewoks, then unexpectedly attacked the village out of some hunger driven rampage. The Gamorreans of the village had only been too eager to respond to the attack in kind. As each boar in the village was practically inseparable from their axe, the Ewok charge was soon routed and bloodshed commenced shortly after. That was three days ago now, with the conflict outside still seeing no end. So far Tooka had been the only Ewok to successfully make it to the bacon factory, which if the chants from the Ewok side for bacon were to be believed, was the main target of their invasion.* *As he thought on this, it occurred to Grognak that the tiny bear man that now stood beside him had come for a reason.*

*Tooka certainly didn't look the part of a warrior, which meant he might be a scout. Yes, that made sense. Why else would he have tried to sneak in through the window?* *This revelation troubled the boar, who now turned his head to the side and glared at the Ewok menacingly. He snorted, expelling a thick line of mucus from his snout as he did so.*

Grog: "*Snort* *Grunt* *Loud Snort* *Short Squeal*? *Long Squeal* *Short Snort* *Grunt* *Snort*!" *Which in Gamorrese meant, "Try and trick me will you? I don't think so!".*

*Any sense of compassion or sympathy for the Wok soon drained out of the Gamorrean janitor's primitive mind. His vision ran red as fury took hold of him, practically causing steam to roll out his ears. He reached out with a thick pudgy hand and attempted to grab Tooka by his furry head and lift him from the floor.*

*The question barked at Tooka took him by surprise. Trick? What trick?*
IC: I do not know what you mean, I am trying to trick nobody, I came here to sort my life out, to take out this factory so bacon would be no more and I could live a life where I am not ruled by this man**holding up the toy*IC: and my favourite meanty snack. So I could try and integrate into a society that does not understand the two great loves of my life. But *sighs* I do not expect you to understand.*

*At this point Tooka looked to the floor, his glorious life changing moment had been reduced to yet another embarrassing mind torturing mess. Tooka felt low again, kicking up the dust around his feet like a naughty school child who had been caught out.*

*Tooka awaited the laughter that had normally plagued him every time he had spoken throughout his life.*

*Chirpa keyed the to play over the comm systems of the nearby freighters. This song began playing as chirpa began to sing to Dragus. All the ewoks joined in, and in fact the Gamorrans stopped fighting for a bit as the ewoks began to sang back up as the Gamorrans sang bass. Chirpa took the microphone and looked into Dragus's eyes as he began to sing.*


Ooh ooh

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've known each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(Ooh, give you up)
(Ooh, give you up)
(Ooh)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)
(Ooh)
Never gonna give, never gonna give
(Give you up)

We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching but
You're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

*Chirpa stopped singing as he looked into Dragus's eyes and said. And, with that the fighting continued as ewok and gamorran. They were once in harmony singing rick astley's "Never Gonna Give you up."*


Yes, I will marry you.

*There wouldn't be any laughter this time. Mainly because Gamorreans didn't have much of a sense of humour. I mean, they weren't moody or glum, it was just that they were a bit too thick headed to understand anything of comedic value. Slapstick humour they'd probably get. Gotta love those Three Stooges.*

*No, instead of laughter, there was violence. Believing that the Ewok was still trying to play a trick on him, Grognak released his grip on Tooka's head, while bringing up his right leg, attempting to punt the Ewok across the factory floor in the same way a placekicker in American football would attempt to score a field goal.*

============================================================

*Elsewhere, atop the hill which was just entertained by a fetching musical number performed by both sides, Dragus was stricken with shock.* *In his wildest of dreams he never imagined the Ewok would accept his proposal. He had always wanted to one day settle down with a Wok, but something had always managed to get in the way. Endless war, writing evil monologues, debating philosophy with the Jedi, eating people, and whatever else have you. Now he could have all that he had wanted, a home in the trees, a hut full of little Woklings. His fondest wish had finally come true.*

*The twisted visage of the Famine Lord scoured the battlefield, seeking to put an end to the violence once and for all. He raised both his hands, gesturing to the Gamorreans and the Ewoks to hold their conflict and pay him heed. Feeling certain he had their attention, he made his unique declaration.*

"Ewoks, Gamorreans, friends and common folk. Hear me! I, the great and magnificent Dragus, Lord of Famine and Ewok conservationist extraordinaire, have just proclaimed my wish to marry this tender and supple Wok. He has accepted, fulfilling my fondest wish. Together we shall be joined in the holy matrimony of marriage. I beseech you all, lay down your arms and embrace one another in friendship. Today we are all brothers and sisters, joined in celebrating this most joyous of events. Break open the stores, unchain the factory doors. Feast to your hearts content on beer and bacon, while I take this Ewok, who has captured my heart, to my bed chambers and ravage him until he can no longer walk. Huzzah!"

*In chorus, the village folk and their furry former nemesis cheered "Huzzah" in reply.*

*As Grognak stuck his foot into the body of Tooka, the feeling of sheer pain resonated through Tooka's body. Tooka was now airborne on a free flight across the factory. Tooka hit the deck. This had not gone to plan at all.*
*Tooka sat and considered what to do next, he had chickened out of doing anything that he had planned to and resorted to what he does best, Cowardice!!*

*Body trembling, Tooka gets himself up from the factory floor.*

IC: Please please sir, I mean you know harm. What can I do to convince you? Look at me Im a wreck, I wont cause you any problems.*

*As he spoke his words warbled with fear, Tooka wet himself, just a little bit.*

* plays through Chirpa's mind as he figures out what to say. What to say, to getting ravaged.

"Okay", nah that would be a terrible reply. But then Chirpa's eyes lit up as he whispered to Dragus.*

Only if you call me Vihn during sex.

*Dragus activates GM powers.*

*And so it was that the Sith took the Ewok to his bed chambers aboard the Grimblade, proceeding to do the unmentionable (cuz there are kids and such) to Chirpa. I won't bore you with the details. Though rumor has it there might have been other Woks involved. At least four, with accessories. To this day, Dark Lady Trace hasn't been able to get the smell of wet Ewok off of those bed sheets.*

*And yes, she does do all the Order's laundry. No, we don't pay her. She does it out of love. Well, okay, she only does it because Dragus sneaks his laundry into Bacca's hamper. The Cyclops would never notice the difference. Guy has like only one eye. Gosh, give em a break.*

*Anywho, following this, Dragus set off to go kill some more Jedi and all that fun loving Sith jazz. He left the wedding preparations and all that other junk up to Chirpa, with a few instructions.*

*Number one, it has to be held at Bright Tree Village. Number two, no Jawas allowed. And finally, number three, everybody is invited. Mando, Sith, Jedi, Wok, Sock, Clock....it doesn't matter. As long as Dragus gets to walk down that isle, s'all good baby.*

==================================================

*As Tooka took-a piddle on the carpet, shaking in his widdle furry booties, the doors to the factory flung open. A squat human of middle years and over indulgence (Mmmm, fried chicken) stood in the archway and shouted at the top of his lungs.*

"Oye, it's over! The battle is over. His majesty, the Great Drageeny, Scourge of the Seven Space Ways and Deflower of Wok Virginity, has agreed to marry the invaders leader. Bacon and beer for all!" *Notices Tooka.* "Uh, bacon and beer for you too, little guy. But after you mop up that mess you made on the floor. I know this planet is infested with pigs, but this ain't no sty."

*Grognak, who was about to make Tooka go all squishy like, halted from his hurt handling and let out a squeal.*

Grog: *Squeal!* *Yeah, that's all I got today. Err, I mean, which translates into basic as, "Bacon? I love bacon! Despite the fact that I am swine in nature and this particular meat seems oddly familiar. Yet due to my lack of intelligence, I am unable to put two and two together, and realize that the bacon is actually made from processed Gamorreans."*

*The Gamorrean janitor ran out the door, heading towards the party that was taking place outside. Flagons of ale and platters of meat were in great abundance.*

As the news about the terminated battle rang through the factory, Grognaks body language changed somewhat. The offer of Bacon and beer as the most comforting sound of this whole ordeal. Maybe, just maybe, this was a hint at acceptance. He was surely was not going to waste it.

Tooka examined the urinary mess he had made on the floor, this will never do, what a bad first impression. The request to clear it up was the most important request he had been given in his life due to the impending snack and alcoholic peace makers that were being offered.

Tooka took no time in looking around the factory floor and in cupboards for a mop and bucker, scurrying like his life depended on it.

Finally finding a mop he set to clearing up the piddle, as the puddle dwindled in size and the mop head started to turn a stomach churning shade of yellow, Tooka couldn't help but feel the corners of his mouth lift. He was hungry and thirsty, now was the time to rectify these feelings!

*Prior to taking off to the Eye only knows where...*

*Dragus sat at the head of the main feasting table at the top of the hill. The arrangements were rough, having been made on such short notice and enacted by dim witted Gamorreans. Despite this, the pig men managed to erect a large tent made from the fur of a Gamorrean slime cat. The deceased creatures naturally gelatinous skin helped keep the tents interior cool against the rising temperatures of Gamorr's summer. As for the table, fashioned from thick Pzobian oak, it had originally been intended for the Imperial governor soon to take charge of the humid world. However, in light of the recent most festivities, it had been commandeered for the party.*

*There at the head, the Famine Lord sat, putting back another flagon of the pig-swill the Gamorreans called beer.* *It was actually pretty decent by beer standards. The Sith was just a snob.* *He motioned for a portly Gamorrean lass to refill his cup, then lifted a bacon strip from his plate and hungrily deposited it into his open maw. Gnashing his sharpened teeth, he lowered his head and looked across the room, noting the presence of many Ewoks.*

*A vacant seat to the right of the Sith had been left for Dragus' husband to be, Chirpa. Another on his left side was absent a butt, set aside for an Ewok that could properly amuse him and earn a place near his opulent presence. He raised a hand, motioning for silence. Then when he had it, waved theatrically and said.*

"Bring in the Woks."

"Ahem". *Rasped Dragus.* "I believe I said, bring in the Woks."

*Dragus' narrator stamps his foot and looks impatiently to Tooka and Chirpa's authors.*

*Chirpa walks in to the room and looks at Dragus.*

Why, must you always have so many woks?

*Chirpa took a piece of bacon and eats it. He had found the love of his life.*

*The author of Chirpa had gotten very busy and wanted to post, but forgot due to life being a nemoidian. So, he is back in the game again.*