Hyperspace

[quote="Jago Pulastra":3m667jka]"Enough in the vial to knock you out for ten hours," Jago told her, "Dreamless sleep, and we've still got awhile until we reach Yavin. Take the entire thing if you'd like, it's safe, I promise."

[color=lightblue:3m667jka][i:3m667jka]Trust me,[/i:3m667jka][/color:3m667jka] he didn't say.

[color=lightblue:3m667jka][i:3m667jka]I know ...[/i:3m667jka][/color:3m667jka]~[/quote:3m667jka]
"I know," [action:3m667jka]she said as she took both syringe and sedative from him. There was a familiar look to the way she held them, practiced almost. She had taken the sedative enough times during the weeks after the horrible first few months back from Coruscant to know what sort of dosage was safe enough and what sort of dose would completely knock her out.[/action:3m667jka]

"Is there an unoccupied cabin available? I don't want to disturb anyone," [action:3m667jka]she said quietly.[/action:3m667jka] "Just in case. The medbay will do, if there isn't."

[action:3m667jka]Although she didn't say it, the words were there in her tone. "Thank you."[/action:3m667jka]

~ Jago nodded, ushering her with him to the main hold. It was a short, quiet trip that ended in front of his own cabin, he unlocking the door and holding it open.

" I'm going to be busy with the ship: nobody will disturb you in here."

At least it was familiar in a way. She had used the room to change just after getting her off of Honoghr, after all. The bed was soft, the room was spacious, there was a refresher as needed, even a small cooler. It was homey ... As homey as a starship could be. Jago had spent a lifetime in space, aboard vessels traversing the wide expanse of The Galaxy. Yavin was home ... Space, though, was home.

" If there's anything else you need, just let me know, okay?" he offered, their silent exchange concluded as he welcomed her openly into what he would truly have considered his house.

Thanks ... Well, thanks had never had anything to do with it.~

[quote="Trask":1xz4jxit][narration:1xz4jxit]As expected, the aggression in her movements rose after hearing his question. It was not a question she wanted to hear, likely especially not from him. Leaning back, he avoided the kick to his face, though he could feel it passing inches from his skin, then found himself grunting as his back struck the deck. His style had been one that relied on sure, solid footing rather than remaining light on the feet, and as a result, the sweeping kick to his legs caught them before he could alter stances and he found himself rolling away from her and back to his feet.[/narration:1xz4jxit]

[color=#4080BF:1xz4jxit]"You hide in the shadows and fight for distance."[/color:1xz4jxit] [narration:1xz4jxit]The words were not a question, nor did they require a response, they were more spoken thoughts than a conversation, yet even as he spoke, he moved. Closing with the Iridonian, he launched a flurry of blows that mimicked her own opening flurry, a right jab to her jaw, then a left hook to her right temple, completed by a right elbow strike, though his height meant the strike was aimed for her left temple rather than her throat. He completed the combination not by gaining distance, but by bringing his left knee up to drive toward the ribs in Lita's right side.[/narration:1xz4jxit][/quote:1xz4jxit]

"It is my way. This is where I belong."

[i:1xz4jxit][color=#BFBFFF:1xz4jxit]*She acknowledged the observation. He was reading her, taking her secrets that could not be concealed when in battle. She understood the act, but not the reason behind it. Why was he pressing her? For what reason was he, in his own way, digging for details? Her disquiet in this line of questioning, being communicated as much through their exchange in blows as it was through words, was revealed when she straightened to her full height, because she did not press the next attack. She allowed him to take the lead in the next step of their altercation.

As he dove forward, Lita lifted her left forearm to strike against the inner-elbow of Trask's right arm to break the momentum of the jab (and was surprised at how much force that took), while simultaneously ducking low, taking advantage of her smaller stature to avoid what would have been debilitating blows to her head. Her skull may have been hard as stone, but the Chiss had a tremendous strength that far surpassed that of what could be expected from one of his kind.

It had not been just his armor, then. She had thought herself at an unfair advantage over him in this spar, but she had clearly overestimated how much Trask had been relying on the enhancements of his powersuit.

That misjudgment cost her dearly when his knee struck her ribs as hard as any Iridonian-born Zabrak had ever kicked her. A soft grunt escaped her, as did all of the air in her lungs as she doubled over, favoring her right side. That would require some tender treatment, later.

Because her back and neck were now exposed, Lita predicted there would be a follow through strike, either with doubled fists or an elbow to drive her into the floor. So the moment she doubled over, she immediately curled her right arm beneath the knee that was being driven into her ribs, locking it against her. With the Chiss only standing on one leg, Lita hooked her left leg around his right calf, pushing Trask's upper-body forward not just to knock him off balance, but to drive him hard onto his back in a grappling hold. She hissed, taking in a painful breath of air.*[/color:1xz4jxit][/i:1xz4jxit]

"And yet you force it to be otherwise!"

[quote="Jago Pulastra":3ogp4wv3]~ Jago nodded, ushering her with him to the main hold. It was a short, quiet trip that ended in front of his own cabin, he unlocking the door and holding it open.

" I'm going to be busy with the ship: nobody will disturb you in here."

At least it was familiar in a way. She [i:3ogp4wv3]had[/i:3ogp4wv3] used the room to change just after getting her off of Honoghr, after all. The bed was soft, the room was spacious, there was a refresher as needed, even a small cooler. It was homey ... As homey as a starship could be. Jago had spent a lifetime in space, aboard vessels traversing the wide expanse of The Galaxy. Yavin was home ... Space, though, was [i:3ogp4wv3]home[/i:3ogp4wv3].

" If there's anything else you need, just let me know, okay?" he offered, their silent exchange concluded as he welcomed her openly into what he would truly have considered his house.

Thanks ... Well, thanks had never had anything to do with it.~[/quote:3ogp4wv3]
[action:3ogp4wv3]He had led her back to his cabin. A twinge of guilt pricked at her. The medbay would've done just fine for her, honestly. Heck, the [i:3ogp4wv3]floor[/i:3ogp4wv3] would've been good too. All she needed was a little bit of unoccupied space to just pass out, out of the way of everyone else's normal lives. At most, she had expected a cot or a bunk, something that would usually be found on ships like this. But his bed?[/action:3ogp4wv3]

"Thank you," [action:3ogp4wv3]she murmured softly, taking off the borrowed jacket as she walked into the room. This had to mean a lot to him. It wasn't often that one found as nice a room as this on a ship like this. Had this been his living space for a time? It had to have been. Anyone that put this kind of work into a ship meant to live out of it. Adelle tossed the jacket onto the footboard then glanced back at the door. Frowning, she crossed and locked it behind Jago. Yes, he had said no one would disturb her but it wasn't the others she was worried about. And while she'd been known to unlock doors while sleep-walking, better a locked door than an unlocked door.

She laid down on the bed and deftly filled the syringe with sedatives. Jago's suggestion was going to be taken: all of the vial's contents went into the syringe. With practiced ease, she found a vein on the inside of her left elbow and slipped the needle in, injecting the sedative into her bloodstream. They hit her, hard and fast. She barely had time to set the vial and syringe on the floor, out of the way, and curl up again before she passed out.[/action:3ogp4wv3]

*She was stronger than he had expected as well, halting the jab mid-thrust would have taken considerably more than human strength, and the knee to her ribs phased her no more than her trip had phased him. Was this toughness and strength a trait of her species or a quality developed as an individual, as it had been with him? Though he did recall that Captain Mork had also kicked like a gundark, something the chiss had previously attributed to intense training but perhaps had been due to a trait of his species. Either way, Lita's strength surprised him, a feat that few beings had managed to accomplish.*

*His surprise lasted only a fraction of a second, but it was long enough to be exploited and he suddenly found the air leaving his lungs as she drove him into the floor a second time. Her movements were fast and strong, and his legs were quickly twined into hers tightly enough that it would be difficult to extricate himself and his arms were immobilized above his head, her own wrapped around them to clasp behind his head, making it impossible for him to do more than flail his hands, though he refrained from that useless gesture. Clearly, his knowledge of the galaxy's combat arts was lacking, as he had never before encountered the hold she was using.*

*Suddenly, he became very aware of her face, hovering only centimeters above him. He could feel her breath on his skin, coming hot and fast after the exertion of the fight, as was his own. The smell of her filled his nostrils as he lay there, immobilized by superior training, and the tattoo under her eye stood out against her skin, despite the fact he was using the force to see, rather than his eyes. Perhaps the mark held some special significance that would cause it to be so prominent a feature to her.*

*Without thinking, something the chiss had never before stopped doing, he leaned his head forward and very likely did the first impulsive thing in his life. He kissed her.*

*Lita wasn't sure when the atmosphere had changed. She had not sensed it coming. One moment, their bodies had been taut with the tension of battle, and the next, her opponent beneath her just...relaxed. And his mouth captured hers. She jerked, and for a moment, far too long of a moment, she didn't know what to do, locked against him as surely as she had him in a lock. Her eyes widened, and her twin hearts jumped erratically.

Lita disentangled her hands and slapped her palms against the ground on either side of their heads with an explosion of sound. Releasing his leg, she pushed herself off of him with an almost violent amount of force. She slammed her back against one of the cargo crates and growled at the sharp flare of pain in her ribs. She was still breathing hard, but it had nothing to do with the fight or the bruises, now.

What was this? Chaos be damned, what was she supposed to think? Another cold, calculating move by the Chiss to make her break her hold? Wasn't his style. She pressed her palm against her brow, fighting off a wave of dizziness that threatened to fell her. Her emotions were...out of control. Spiraling around one another, confusing her. Tormenting her. And because she was tormented, she grew furious. She was only able to voice one word.*

"Why?!"

*He was nearly as startled as she, despite being the instigator. As he sat up to face Lita, his thoughts were thrust into a whirling hurricane the likes of which he had never before known, but even in that hurricane he found answers to questions he had been refusing to ask. He now knew why he had been so adamant in following Lita, despite flimsy reasons or sometimes no reasons at all. It was... confusing, to say the least.*

"I... do not know." *For once in his life, his mind was in too much turmoil to analyze, deduce, or calculate. He would need time to bring his mind and emotions back under control, time and a distraction. Rising to his feet, he started back toward where he had left his rifle then paused and half looked over his shoulder.* "I apologize." *Then he continued on to take his previous seat on the deck and begin once again disassembling the rifle, his motions rhythmic and precise, despite the distraction of his mind.*

*She stood, teeth bared, eyes wide with confusion, and she watched him simply...turn away. Her eyes shifted to the rifle in his hands. Sorry. He was sorry. Her snarl faded, her strength draining away with the hot burn of anger, leaving something far worse in its place.*

"...It's fine."

*Of course, it wasn't, but that's not what she had meant to convey. More that, she was allowing him to dismiss it. They both needed time. She wasn't so easily fooled by the cold, dispassionate facade of the Chiss to think that this hadn't, somehow, shaken him too. Just how much, though, she could not say. She wanted to find out. To force open the lines of communication between them that were always so locked down, but, she was afraid of discovering something there that she didn't want to see.

Her thoughts turned to Jago, briefly, before she forced that out, too. That shouldn't be, that wasn't right. He was in love with someone else. Her feelings for him had to be separated from this. This situation...with Trask...deserved its own attention, its own consideration outside of the ghosts of her past. Outside of Jago, and Bahari.

For a moment, it looked as though the Zabrak were going to say something more, but she did not. With a sigh, she turned and walked out of the cargo hold, returning to her cabin. She pressed her palm against the medallion at her neck.*

*The soft sounds of murmured words drifted back to her. Lita leaned her shoulder against the hull of the ship, her arms folded as she witnessed the exchange. The girl, Adelle, disappeared within the chamber. A moment later, the distinct click of a locking mechanism being activated could be heard. She dropped her gaze disapprovingly. She had spotted the syringe in her hand. She was running away from her problems.

What are you running from, Lita Trykk?

She winced, closing her eyes tightly and turning her face away, as though she were still in front of him and she didn't want him to see. She couldn't deal with that now. Couldn't think about it, couldn't evaluate it. She would never be able to, not until she knew what was her past, and what was her future.*

"Jago."

*It was possible he wasn't ready to face this any more than she was, but it was necessary. This time, she needed to be the one asking questions. She gestured for him to join her as she turned, making her way for the galley instead for the cabins.*

"I'll make us some tea."

~ Jago was actually glad to see Lita after taking care of Adelle: he wondered how long she had been there but it didn't particularly bother him. There wasn't much that they hid from one another anymore.

Well ... much. Still implied that there was plenty tucked away in the dark. Didn't he know that best.

" Tea," he remarked as he followed her into the rather comfy galley, clearly designed both for comfort and functionality. The three caf-makers were certainly notable, for starters.

" Tea sounds nice, actually."

It did. Just a moment to relax. The brief scuffle with Adelle and the subsequent lack of answers were certainly not helping his disposition for the day. What with the stressful nature of rescuing the poor girl from Honoghr, his "talk" with Lita before they had even arrived, and now the prospect of seizing an entire planet in her name ...

The past several hours deserved tea.

She had been aboard the Presage enough, Jago hoped, that she knew where everything was. He, meanwhile, just afforded himself a seat at the table in the corner, leaning back against the wall with a heavy breath. The cool surface felt good on the back of his neck even as he rubbed his stomach a bit. The elbow from Adelle still stung a bit.

" Is there a special occasion for tea?" Jago asked casually, tilting his head at Lita.

" Or are you just wishing I had something stronger?" he laughed softly.

" Because ... well, I do."~

"No. Not this time."

*Hot water slowly seeped through the tea leaves, inciting a faint and comforting aroma. She filled two mugs before joining the Jedi, setting one of the drinks down in front of him before sitting across from him.*

"I want you to have a clear head. Everyone on this ship is hiding from something."

*It seemed she was not going to waste any time getting to the point. The Zabrak fixed her friend with her hard garnet stare, her jaw set in the same way she did before engaging in something unpleasant, but unavoidable. She leaned forward, her hands curled around the heat of her beverage as she angled her head slightly. Lita was consciously aware of how disconcerting the movement must have been, and that was the idea.*

"I have shared with you what is going on with me. Before we reach Yavin, before we are separated yet again by forces beyond our control, I would have you share with me what is going on with you. There are things about you I must know, and I fear it will hurt us both for me to ask."

*Her gaze lowered. The steam from both of their mugs thickened the air between them, blurring the edges and softening the hard lines of their faces.*

"So tell me who you are. Why are you here?" *Why not with her?*

~ Tea.

It held a certain point of prominence within some cultures. It required so much subtlety, so much finesse in preparation. There was a connection and respect for nature in brewing it, a certain ... calm, to it. There was serenity. Peace.

None of which he felt as she asked him those questions.

Who was he? Why was he there?

Foolish Lita, wasn't it so obviou-! ...

. . . Maybe it wasn't, he thought. Maybe this was confusing. Hell, she was right to an extent: there were a million other things The Order could have called him off to do at any point. There were billions of people that needed the help of a Jedi. A hundred battlefields across a hundred stars ...

And here he was. On a ship, far away from his family, with her. What kind of message did that send ..? What must she be thinking? Things between them ... they were still unresolved. Unrefined. Even after their talk on Yavin Station and aboard his starship, things still weren't out in the open and, if they were, they were as obscured as the visage of his tea beneath the steam wafting up from the mug.

His eyes dipped away from her as well. This certainly was uncomfortable ... He knew what she was really asking about. Could feel it deep down: why was he there with her? Friends helped friends, that was all well and good. Friends did not risk their own lives for people who could've once been considered an enemy. Friends did not drop everything they were doing, their lives, their loved ones, to rush off together into the unknown.

So what did that make him and Lita?

. . . What did that make him and Ksandra? He was sure she was on Yavin, teaching her younglings ...

At least, he thought she was. Maybe she was off somewhere else again. That happened, though, she was busy with The Order, often, and they got to see one another every now and then, which was nice.

Every now and then.

. . . That didn't feel nice to realize.

" I'm me," he answered after a moment of thought, smiling softly into his cup of tea before looking up at Lita.

" I'm just me. Always been me. Jago Pulastra, Jedi. I'm -"

He paused. Stopped himself. Deep breath. Let it out slowly.

" No ... No, no, no, I'm not doing this dance again. That's ... That's not right."

He reached out slowly, gently laying a hand over hers as she held her cup on the table. How dare he hide anything, anything from her. After all this time?

No. Not anymore.

" My name's Jago. I never knew my parents. I've been a pirate and a gangster and a mercenary before I ever even thought of becoming a Jedi. I've somehow managed to kill one of my best friends, one of my lovers, and my Padawan before I was thirty. I'm getting married to a woman I maybe get to see about once every few months."

Every single word was ... bitter. Longing. He had to take a sip of tea just to wash the taste out of his mouth. He was clearly just getting more and more depressed as he spoke, slowly at that, not in his normally up-beat and quick voice.

Jago sighed.

" I'm here ..."

His hand withdrew from hers, his eyes dipping again.

" I'm here because I want to be."

Simple words. Layers of meaning. It was as if he had stopped thinking of what he was saying and instead just spoke. No more mask, no more carefully placed words, no more hiding.

That was what she had asked of him: no more hiding.

Here was hoping she could accept that.

" I want to be here ..."

Jago stopped for a moment, suddenly looking up at her. His head tilted to match her own, inquisitive. Curious. Worried.

" ... Why do you ask ..? Why now ..?"~

*She turned her hand over, the one he had held for a brief moment, and curled her fingers into her palm. These were things she already knew, but he listed them as though he were reading a profile off of a dataslate. He kept his feelings carefully segregated from the recounting of his life, of the most significant events.

But she understood the meaning, as she knew he would understand hers.*

"Because there is a change coming, and time is running out. We're going to have to make a choice that neither one of us is ready to make. Not tonight, but...Soon."

*Please, no decisions tonight. Just answers. She lifted her hand and laid her brow against it, her fingers weaving around the horns on her head.*

"I know you as well as I know myself some days, until I remember that I know nothing of you outside of us. I thought if I heard you speak about your life, the portion of it that I'm not a part of, I wouldn't have to make this decision. It would have already been decided for me."

*Her eyes locked onto his, and she she gave a single, subtle shake of her head.*

"But that's not true either, is it? It will not be that easy for either of us. Don't hide this part of your heart from me, Jago, not if it's out of fear of hurting both of mine. I can't understand it if I don't know what it's capable of. Tell me...about the women you've loved, and love still."

*It was almost...pleading. It wasn't what she was asking, but the reason for it that made this so painful. What Lita Trykk was asking for, was for a reason to move on.*

~ So that's what this was about.

" You want to know my heart ...?"

He leaned back a bit, running his hands through his hair and giving it a pull. In frustration, in regret. He downed the rest of his tea in one gulp, appreciating the searing heat. Too bad it wouldn't burn his mouth shut.

" The women I've fallen for ..."

This was going to hurt.

" Her name was Sabine. I was fifteen."

Deep breath.

" Her hair was the color of cinnamon. She was a slave with me. They taught me how to fight, how to kill. She was happy when she was able to go an entire day without getting hit or groped. I looked out for her when I could. She understood when I hid ... We both wished we could hide."

Those were dark, dark days. It was her that first started calling him "willow" ... She told him to bend so he'd never break. To swing with the wind rather than fight it and snap like the twig he used to be. Did he still carry that name because of her ..?

Or in spite ..?

" She didn't follow me when I left ... Heh, kinda wished that she had. She was my first everything. Didn't even know what I was doing half the time, though it wasn't like it was an actual relationship. Sneaking off to be together in the small spots the rest of the crew couldn't get to on the ship ... Childish dreams, wishing we could see the stars for ourselves."

There was a soft smile there.

" I guess I finally did ..."

Ah, the next one ... that was not going to be pleasant.

Should he even tell her ..?

There wasn't much hiding it .... He may have strained to get the words out, but he forced them anyway. She wanted to hear, and hear she would.

... This was not going to be pleasant. No it was not.

" I was twenty. I was on Coruscant when I met her in a night club. Her name was Gaysa."

His hands clenched without warning, jaw tightening. He stood up from the table, beginning to pace. He wouldn't even look at Lita. He didn't want her to see the red in his face ... In his eyes.

Jago had not even told Ksandra about this one ... Hadn't told anyone. He was ashamed of it ... Angry because of it ...

And that was entirely evident.

" I loved her. I loved her deeply. She took me away from all the things I hated about myself. She understood where I had come from ... She understood me. Took me away from all the things I hated about myself, the, the ... The killing, and the hurting, and just ... All of it. She gave me a better life, a new life, something I could be happy with."

He stopped pacing as he came to the cooler, resting his head against it.

" Maybe I was just young and stupid, I don't even know anymore ... But she left. Just walked out one day. Had no clue where she went off to."

In a rare display of violence the stillness of the galley was shattered.

Jago's fist was planted firmly against the cooler.

There was a dent.

" Jabiim ... Remember when you came with me to Jabiim, only for me to send you away?"

He turned to face her.

Jago Pulastra, that wayward knight, a man who had braved dangers worse than death with the serenity of a sage ...

He was angry. He was sad.

" She was there. Gaysa was there. Know what her name is, Lita, her real name?"

He was getting more worked up. Anger turned to rage. Sorrow turned to depression.

" Sinistra. Lord Sinistra. Dark Lord of Atrocity. The woman who instigated the genocide of Jabiim? The woman who destroyed the Jedi Temple on Ojom, who slew countless hundreds on Hok? I fell in love with her."

He slumped back into the seat across from her. He couldn't even bare to look at Lita.

" I loved a Sith Lord. And I fought her. And I caught her. And she slipped away from me once more. And she's out there, somewhere, doing Force knows what to kriff knows who."

He didn't want to talk about this anymore. Thankfully, he was almost done. At least, he thought he was. He took a moment to pour himself some more tea and calm down a bit.

Deep breath.

" I was twenty six. Her name was Ksandra, and she was engaged."

Way to sound like the hero ...

" She was one of the first people I became close to when I arrived on Yavin. She helped me adjust, got me into the Dragons, is the reason I met a lot of my friends today. I stood by her side when her husband-to-be left her. Twice. I loved her from afar for a long time ... A long time. And I hurt her."

Deep breath ...

" My Padawan nearly killed her. Nearly killed all of us. So I killed him. Then ..."

Deep breath ...

" Then I tried to kill myself. Got fed up with it all, constantly hurting people. Couldn't even do that right."

He let out a short, dry laugh.

" I missed," he chuckled wryly, " I missed stabbing myself. I failed at taking my own life, when I got so good at taking others."

The irony was not lost on him.

" She was the first one there. Stayed with me. Helped me through it. It was after that that she said she loved me for the first time. I was twenty eight."

Two years he had waited. Two years he had pined for her.

Pathetic ... Couldn't even handle that right.

" We've been together since. We've been engaged for a year. Day I proposed was the first time I had seen her again in ... Almost four months. And then we were off again, just like that. Places to go, people to help, things to do ... Sometimes I don't even know where she is. Sometimes I don't tell her where I'm going either."

Gods, that sounds horrible ... What am I saying ..?

He breathed softly, sighing.

She wanted to hear about his loves.

Past and current.

. . .

Deep breath ...

" And then ... There's you."

He looked up at her, catching her eyes finally. They were deep, sobering. Sad.

Regretful.

" There's you, Lita," he repeated, tapping his mug lightly on the table as if to give his hands something to do.

You said no more running. You wanted honesty. You wanted to know about this.

" I love you."~

*She stood before he said it. Alarmed. She pushed herself away from the table, intending on stopping him, to keep this from happening. It was the answer she had brought upon herself, knew she was toeing a dangerous line, knew it had to come to this, but it did not mean she was ready to face it.

There could be nothing between them. And they couldn't escape it.

She leaned against the table on both hands, her lips pulled back from her sharp teeth in pain.

He had loved a child, who recognized the strength in him but could not be strong enough herself. Then a Sith, whose whispered name even Lita herself had heard of before. But the woman now, Ksandra, was kind. A hero Jedi, like him. They had found one another, and she was the darkness, the blight on that relationship. Their opportunity was lost, buried somewhere in the acidic sands of Iridonia.

She whispered.*

"No."

*She curled her hand into a fist and slammed it against the table. Her untouched tea, which had grown cold, sloshed over the rim.*

"NO!"

*She raised her eyes to his, and the pain in her face was...bare, her teeth clenched. There was no shield, no protection to hide it. She had promised him, without using so many words, that she could handle it, but, as she struggled now, she had broken that promise.*

"I know. But we can't, and we won't. I was wrong for doing this. She was there for you, I wasn't. I should have been the one...I should have been the one who was with you when you awoke!"

*She took one step forward, then jerked his shirt up, hissed at the scar she saw there and suddenly pushed him back with a single-palm strike on the center of his chest.*

"I wouldn't have let you!"

*Her voice dropped to a low growl, her eyes darkening to a dangerous shade of blood.*

"But I was too self-absorbed, lost in the teachings of a Sith master who cared for naught but himself. I almost lost you, and I never even knew it. I will never forgive you. I will never forgive myself. I will never deserve...this."

*She gestured in frustration, as though love could be defined by a single pronoun. She turned her back on him, retrieving her abandoned tea and dumping the contents into the waste receptacle.*

"When we return to Yavin, when our business is done there...I will leave. Forget Iridonia."

~ " No you don't."

His voice was cold as he recovered from her shove, advancing on her undeterred.

" No you don't, you don't get to walk away from this, you don't get to run!"

How dare she pull a stunt like this after he had just completely dropped every last guard around her. Now she thought she could just walk away? Go back to as if nothing had ever happened, nothing was ever said?

No.

" You're the one that said no turning back. You're the one that asked me, that wanted to know. Now that I've answered, now that I've given you everything you wanted, you're going to be the one to leave!?"

This wasn't fair. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen.

Then again, how was it? What, in all honesty, had he truly expected from saying it openly? Maybe there was a reason they had never said those words. It was a wall, a shield ... Perhaps an invisible one but it had kept them sane, all the same.

But this was not ending like this.

" I'm kriffing tired of hurting people, Lita!" he shouted, the passion raging like an inferno back into his voice.

" That's all I've ever done with my life! That's it!"

He turned away from her.

He didn't like her looking upon him when he fell into these moments. It was unbecoming ... He wanted to be better. Much better than that, especially if it was her witnessing it.

" I've sat there and been told by a Jedi Master to do nothing while a ship was torn apart by pirates in front of me."

His right hand curled up tightly.

" I've killed women and children, just as often as I've failed to save them."

His left hand balled into a fist.

" I nearly caused my entire home to be destroyed. I stopped it by stabbing my best friend."

He looked back at her, eyebrows narrowed.

" Yes, I tried to take my own life. When all you've done, when all you've ever known is death, you get thinking that maybe there would be just a bit less in The Galaxy without you."

He sighed. His hands opened and went to his hair, pulling at it. The slight twinge of pain helped calm him a bit as he took a breath to clear his thoughts, quiet his racing heart.

" I'm not proud of it, Lita. Outside of the people that were there, you're the only one I've ever actually told."

This was not easy.

" And you actually have the gall to think I'd hold this against you ..? That you'd have to punish yourself for my stupidity? Wake up, Lita!"

He took another step towards her, hands out at his sides. Pleading.

" Think of everything I wasn't there for you! You think our entire ... thing, is just based around what we can be there for!? We've been on opposite sides of the Universe our entire lives!"

Doublespeak. They'd certainly been on opposite sides ... Just more so than physically. There couldn't have been two people more distant, yet so close. The dichotomy was baffling.

" The point is I'm here now."

Another step closer.

" You wanted to know, you asked, I told you. I'm not keeping anything more from you, Lita, not anymore, just ..."

He sighed. Turned from her again. Looking at her ... It was hard.

" I'm tired, Lita. I'm tired of the running, of the fighting, every time. I ask you to come with me on Contruum, you get angry. You ask to come with me to Honoghr, and now you want to leave again."

His shoulders fell.

" I'm not doing this anymore."

Breath.

" You know I'm here. You know I've always been here when you needed me, and I'll continue to be here."

Jago wheeled on her, shaking his head firmly.

" And you can go straight to Chaos if you try and tell me otherwise. You want me out, you want this over, you want it to go back to being 'easy'? Then you better just kill me right now, Lita."

He planted his feet.

" Because that's what it's going to take."~

*She flinched from him. Backed up a step, only to find she was against the galley's counter, and there was nowhere to go. Kriff, she did ask for this. She wanted to know, and for all the asking, she had expected him to say, had been hoping he'd say there was nothing between them. It would have been the easy way out. She had come here to find resolution and to move on, to be able to put this flame that has burned for nearly the past decade to rest at last.

And there was none, no peace. No peace. Only passion. She forced Rathdukat's corrupting words from her mind.

For lack of a resolution, she sought running away. And he wasn't allowing that, either. He was right. It wasn't fair to him, but what would have been fair? What in this nightmarish twist of fate was fair? She sliced the air with her hand.*

"Don't be ridiculous, I'd never harm you."

*And they were right back at where they started. Upon an impossible precipice. Unwilling to let go, unable to pull themselves up onto firm ground.*

"For now, we are here for each other, but, you cannot be in two places at once. There will come a time when you have to decide who you're going to be with, and always be there for. And...there will come a time when I have to decide how long I can wait for you to make that decision."

*There. It had been said. The time for avoidance had ended.*

"...but not tonight."

*She echoed her earlier words, a sort of concluding statement that conveyed she was finished. There would be no sleep tonight. Meditation, perhaps, reflection. She was exhausted by her emotions, first from Trask, and now from this, and so she had no desire for further arguments.*

~ Decisions.

They were coming soon ... She was right.

Force damnit she was right. He couldn't keep doing this, not to himself, not to the people he cared about. Not as he had done before. He knew what this was, what she was talking about. This had gone past whether or not they could just maintain a stressful friendship.

It was a dark place he didn't want to go to. Hearts would be broken no matter what. No matter what he chose to do.

No matter what.

But that was crazy, there wasn't even a choice! He had made his choice!

. . . Hadn't he?

. . .

Hadn't he ...?

He needed time to think. It was just starting to hit him what he had said, what he had told Lita. What that meant. What it meant for him, for his life, for her ... It was not just three little words, they never had been. And he had said them so ... nonchalantly. As if there was nothing to it, as if it were so easy, as if ...

As if he was accustomed to it.

Jago stepped back away from Lita, eyes going a bit wide. Realization was turning into doubt. Worry. Fear.

He turned away from her. Head hung.

" Go."

That was it. Nothing else. Not angry, not upset, just ... weary.

He had a lot to think about, and he didn't even know how long he had to figure everything out.

" Just ..."

Was there anything more? Anything more he could say ..?

He took another step away from her, still incapable of looking back.

" Just go."~

*It had been necessary, hadn't it?

Her eyes closed briefly, before she forced them open again. No, she would not face this pain blind. It had been as necessary as it had been cruel. She had forced his hand. They were distanced by years, by stars, by obligations and by the very nature of the force itself. But, they were also inexorably tied to one another, as though the orbital paths they traveled crossed at a single point that they would always return to at the same moment. It was not fair for either of them to continue putting their lives on hold for the sake of that one, anticipated moment.

It wasn't the end of them. Merely the end of what they might have been.

She quietly moved out of the galley. Though she did not sleep, she remained in silent meditation within the confines of the guest cabin until their arrival at Yavin.*

Ah.... sleep. He hadn't had sleep in so long it felt like days. Wait... had it been days? Maybe. But regardless, he was wiped out and his bed was exceedingly inviting at the moment, unlike the jungles of Yavin 4, from which he'd just escaped. Barely. Dropping into his bed, he didn't bother to remove his boots or gunbelt and was out like a light in no seconds flat.

Three second later, the chiming of his comm jarred him back awake. Gritting his teeth, he seriously considered running his lightsaber through the thing, but decided against it when he realized it was still attached to his belt. Pulling it off, he squeezed the talk button hard enough to make the casing creak. "This had better be good."